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. Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risk. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantage?

In this concurrent era, social networking sites are ubiquitous across the globe. However, despite its drawback such as cyber bullying and hacking personal data. I still believe that the advantages of social web outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, I concede that sharing personal bio data and uploading photos on media may be unsafe because some conspirators steal personal data and create duplicate Id and they may misuse it. For instance, in a recent research by an international cyber crime branch in this matter has revealed a shocking testimony that every year almost 75% of cases are recorded of such kind of unethical activities. Another down side is that sharing current location on online media is risky because wrong doer can quickly track location which may be harmful for the people. However, although the downsides to using social network service are real concern, I feel that there are many more positives for using social networking sites. First and foremost is that social networking applications help to build up contact with outlanders, loved ones and fellows even if they are living anywhere. Moreover, social media is a concrete platform especially for advertising because it helps to promote business where customers can see and purchase the product. Furthermore, a social network is paramount source of keep of update about current affairs every moment via online notification because in online media, NEWS circulating quickly than others platform like TV, radio and many more. Lastly, media also help to launch recruitment notice so job seeker can get job effortlessly. To conclude, although I admit that using a mass media has many demerits such as cyber crime and scam however, many benefits that we receive from them are invaluable Therefore, I agree that the merits of the mass communication media outweigh the demerits.
In this concurrent era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites are ubiquitous across the globe.
However
, despite its drawback such as cyber bullying and hacking personal data. I
still
believe that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
web outweigh the disadvantages.

On the one hand, I concede that sharing personal bio data and uploading photos on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
may be unsafe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conspirators steal personal data and create duplicate Id and they may misuse it.
For instance
, in a recent research by an international cyber crime branch in this matter has revealed a shocking testimony that every year almost 75% of cases
are recorded
of such kind of unethical activities. Another down side is that sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
location on online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is risky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doer can
quickly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
location which may be harmful for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, although the downsides to using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network service are real concern, I feel that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more positives for using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites.
First
and foremost is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking applications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build up contact with outlanders,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and fellows even if they are living anywhere.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a concrete platform
especially
for advertising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to promote business where customers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the product.
Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network is paramount source of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
of update about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs every moment via online notification
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, NEWS circulating
quickly
than others platform like TV, radio and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to launch recruitment notice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
job seeker can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job
effortlessly
.

To conclude
, although I admit that using a mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
demerits such as cyber crime and scam
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits that we receive from them are invaluable
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the merits of the mass communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
outweigh the demerits.
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IELTS essay . Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risk. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantage?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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