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Social media has a big influence on the identity and worldview of everyone. What are some of the problems teenagers face in using social media to shape and express their identity and how they view the world? What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you think of to these problems?

Social media has a big influence on the identity and worldview of everyone. What are some of the problems teenagers face in using social media to shape and express their identity and how they view the world? What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you think of to these problems? 8GrgG
Nowadays, in this industrial 4. 0 where technology is already very advanced and continues to be more advanced. So, everybody has a electronic device like a phone inside their pocket everywhere they go, therefore, it raises up many problems among kids and teenagers such as cyber bullying, health problems, and the most important thing is their performance on school. First and foremost, one of the problems that social media has on teenagers nowadays is their health problems. According to some unknown studies, teenagers are losing sleep because of social media. Teenagers love watching and surfing the internet since there are tons of funny things on the internet, like entertaining videos, good-looking pictures, etc and they can meet many unknown people on the internet as well. And this will make them addicted to social media. According to unknown studies once again, kids spend 9. 5 hours / day watching and surfing the internet. They always keep their body in a “relaxing mode” and soon, kids will kill their heath and be tired all the time if they keep the same habits. This will also kill their eyes, as they look at the screen everywhere. The main cause is for their self-satisfaction. Going on the internet will help them feel more comfortable. For me, the best solution for this problem is to be disciplined. They will have to admit the truth that they will die one day because of this social media, so they will have to stop looking at social media and start doing some workouts, reading books, and improving many outdoor habits. Secondly, as important as the first one is their importance in school. According to sciencedirert. com, students who spend their time more on the internet would likely perform the worst in school. It is easy to understand that on the internet, there are many various things, like facebook, instagram, twitter, youtube, kids come up here to chat with online friends, watch videos and always be undisciplined. This problem is mostly based on their parents. With strict parents, kids wouldn't spend much time on the internet. If this keeps happening, they will be more lazy as the effect would be very bad. If they want to improve their school performance, they will have to change. Therefore, the key solution here is the change. They have to be different in order to perform better in school and not waste money. In conclusion, I would like to say that social media has affected the kids nowadays a lot, since they are just kids, they don't know the cause for this problem, they will just flow with it and it will cause depression, diabetes, they will talk less than ever. Consequently, parents have to come in and solve it
Nowadays, in this industrial 4. 0 where technology is already
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advanced and continues to be more advanced.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, everybody has
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
electronic device like a phone inside their pocket everywhere they go,
therefore
, it raises up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
among
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kids
and
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teenagers
such as
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
, health
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problems
, and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is their performance on school.

First
and foremost, one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
nowadays is their health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unknown studies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are losing sleep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
watching and surfing the internet since there are tons of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
things on the internet, like entertaining videos,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-looking pictures,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
etc and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unknown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the internet
as well
. And this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. According to unknown studies once again,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
spend 9. 5 hours / day watching and surfing the internet. They always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their body in a “relaxing mode” and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will kill their heath and
be tired
all the time if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the same habits. This will
also
kill their eyes, as they look at the screen everywhere. The main cause is for their self-satisfaction. Going on the internet will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them feel more comfortable.

For me, the best solution for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is to
be disciplined
. They will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit the truth that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
one day
because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
looking at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workouts, reading books, and improving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
outdoor habits.

Secondly
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as the
first
one is their importance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. According to
Possible spelling mistake found.
sciencedirert
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
com
, students who spend their time more on the internet would likely perform the worst in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. It is easy to understand that on the internet, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
various things, like
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
, twitter,
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up here to chat with online friends,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
videos and always
be undisciplined
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
mostly
based on their parents. With strict parents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
wouldn't spend much time on the internet. If this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
happening, they will be more lazy as the effect would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

If they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
performance, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Therefore
, the key solution here is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in order to perform better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and not waste money.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
nowadays a lot, since they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, they don't know the cause for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
flow with it and it will cause depression, diabetes, they will talk less than ever.
Consequently
, parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in and solve it
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IELTS essay Social media has a big influence on the identity and worldview of everyone. What are some of the problems teenagers face in using social media to shape and express their identity and how they view the world? What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you think of to these problems?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
456 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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