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causes and solution of children spend time playing computer games

causes and solution of children spend time playing computer games X7QDN
It is undeniable that children who spend time playing computer are growing constantly. There are several causes of this alarming trend, but measures could certainly be taken to tackle the problem. In my opinion, the foremost cause of addiction in video games is helping children release pressure and high tension. Due to the fact that computer games could bestow players more jubilant as well as ecstatic because these games are transported into the virtual world which is often more exciting and engaging than real-life pastimes. Furthermore, this matter can be attributed to the lack of parental supervision. By dint of parents are busy with hustle and bustle life to earn for living so that the inadequacy of care for offspring is made. Therefore, instead of sending their children to the park for outside activities, parents choose to keep them at home to play video games, which increases the amount of time spent in front of a screen by young people. There are several actions that could be taken to solve the problems. First, to solve these issues, parents must take responsibility. It means that they must filter the games that youngsters often play, removing some of the harmful games and replacing them with educational games. Give youngsters activities to help them strengthen their skills and expand their capacity to be creative. A second measure should be to create more green space for outdoor activities. In particular that, the government ought to use the national budget to invest money in sports facilities along with playgrounds so that kids will have more choice of entertainment. In conclusion, the young generation is spending most of their time playing virtual games needs to be considered as an urgent task in the 21st century to ensure a better life for the next generation.
It is undeniable that children who spend time playing computer are growing
constantly
. There are several causes of this alarming trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
measures could
certainly
be taken
to tackle the problem. In my opinion, the foremost cause of addiction in video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is helping children release pressure and high tension. Due to the fact that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could bestow players more jubilant
as well
as ecstatic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are transported
into the virtual world which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more exciting and engaging than real-life pastimes.
Furthermore
, this matter can
be attributed
to the lack of parental supervision. By dint of parents are busy with hustle and bustle life to earn for living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the inadequacy of care for offspring
is made
.
Therefore
,
instead
of sending their children to the park for outside activities, parents choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them at home to play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which increases the amount of time spent in front of a screen by young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. There are several actions that could
be taken
to solve the problems.
First
, to solve these issues, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take responsibility. It means that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
filter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
play, removing
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and replacing them with educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Give youngsters activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them strengthen their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and expand their capacity to be creative. A second measure should be to create more green space for outdoor activities.
In particular
that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the national budget to invest money in sports facilities along with playgrounds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that kids will have more choice of entertainment.
In conclusion
, the young generation is spending most of their time playing virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
needs to
be considered
as an urgent task in the 21st century to ensure a better life for the
next
generation.
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IELTS essay causes and solution of children spend time playing computer games

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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