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Social media enable people to keep in touch with each other and learn about news events. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Social media enable people to keep in touch with each other and learn about news events. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages? LbX5G
Nowadays, learning about news events and interacting with people are enabled by social media. This situation has its own advantages and disadvantages, but I am convinced that benefits of it outweigh the drawbacks. The main profits of the social medias are: to get in touch with people at any moment and anywhere and also acquiring news at the same moment as they came out. In the past, people could interact only with individuals that are in their city or country, if a person that someone wants to talk to was in elsewhere then both of them didn’t have a chance to chat with each other. However, over the last years, it is not a problem anymore due to social medias. Social networks let a person to communicate with anyone at any moment, even if they cannot meet with each other in real life, since one of them is in different country; the only that everyone has to have is an internet connection. Moreover, social platforms allow persons to acquire any news as soon, as possible. For instance, in Instagram (which is one of the most popular networks) are a lot of accounts that specializes on giving news and because of them, human beings get news and information very fast. The first flaw of this situation is that mankind is losing the amount of the human interaction in real life, and the second disadvantage of it is that data of someone can be hacked or lost. Owing to the fact that the quantity of the users of the internet is rapidly increasing, the number of the interaction in real life is decreasing. This is a huge loss because humankind is the type of species that must have the interconnection with each other. Nevertheless, as I said, there is also the second weakness of internet platforms, which is the hacked information of anyone. At the moment, many users keep their secret information or photos in the web. All of them can be just hacked by others, and then be in an open access. To conclude, I advocate the view that plusses of the medias overlay its minuses.
Nowadays, learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and interacting with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are enabled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. This situation has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and disadvantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
am convinced
that benefits of it outweigh the drawbacks.

The main profits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
are: to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moment
and anywhere and
also
acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moment
as they came out. In the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could interact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with individuals that are in their city or country, if a person that someone wants to talk to was in elsewhere then both of them didn’t have a chance to chat with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
However
, over the last years, it is not a problem anymore due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
a person to communicate with anyone at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moment
, even if they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in real life, since one of them is in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country; the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
have is an internet connection.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
persons to acquire any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
, as possible.
For instance
, in Instagram (which is one of the most popular networks) are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
accounts that specializes on giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of them, human beings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.

The
first
flaw of this situation is that mankind is losing the amount of the human interaction in real life, and the second disadvantage of it is that data of someone can
be hacked
or lost. Owing to the fact that the quantity of the users of the internet is
rapidly
increasing, the number of the interaction in real life is decreasing. This is a huge loss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
humankind is the type of species that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the interconnection with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Nevertheless
, as I said, there is
also
the second weakness of internet platforms, which is the hacked information of anyone. At the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moment
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
users
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their secret information or photos in the web. All of them can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
hacked by others, and then be in
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "open access".
an open access
.

To conclude
, I advocate the view that
Possible spelling mistake found.
plusses
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
overlay its minuses.
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IELTS essay Social media enable people to keep in touch with each other and learn about news events. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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