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just a random essey i made no worries

just a random essey i made no worries PRjbB
In the temporary society, humanity is getting more and more modern and with this people are finding ways to be healthier and possibly live longer. As the result, life expectancy is rising all around the globe. At first glance, this might sound like a good thing, on the contrary it would bring many negative effects as well. On one hand, there are a number of reasons why increasing life expectancy is beneficial. Firstly, old people have lived long enough, have went through many ups and down. Accumulating life-long wisdom that they could pass down to younger generations, giving the new generation advice on what they should and shouldn’t do, contributing to the society even when they are old. Secondly, as people gets old, they begin to enjoy life more, after all the hard-work and money they have made in the prime of their life, old people often use the last years of their life and lifesaving for family and friends. They want to spend their last years with close ones so they can create as much memories as they can, maybe even try some new hobbies, or spend money on things they always wanted to do when they were young, enjoying life to the fullest. On the other hand, there are numerous disadvantages of living longer that people should take into consideration. The principal is that many old people are fragile, they can have many bone problems and taking care of they are not easy. As life expectancy rises, so does the need for healthcare, with this the government have to spend a lot of money on this issue. Additionally, many aged people are not capable of working, thus can have quite an impact on the economy, and depends on where people live, families do not have the income to look after old people. Furthermore, if people live longer, the human population will increase, more people will result in more pollution and faster depletion of natural resources for human demands. In conclusion, the increase of life expectancy could bring many benefits, but it’s adverse consequences should not be overlooked.
In the temporary society, humanity is getting more and more modern and with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are finding ways to be healthier and
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer. As the result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is rising all around the globe. At
first
glance, this might sound like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing,
on the contrary
it would bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects
as well
.

On one hand, there are a number of reasons why increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is beneficial.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, have
Use past participle here: "gone".
went
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ups and down. Accumulating life-long wisdom that they could pass down to younger generations, giving the new generation advice on what they should and shouldn’t do, contributing to the society even when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

Secondly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more,
after all
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work and money they have made in the prime of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the last years of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and lifesaving for family and friends. They want to spend their last years with close ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can create as
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
memories as they can, maybe even try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new hobbies, or spend money on things they always wanted to do when they were young, enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to the fullest.

On the other hand
, there are numerous disadvantages of living longer that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take into consideration.

The principal is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are fragile, they can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
bone problems and taking care of they are not easy. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy rises,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
does the need for healthcare, with this the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on this issue.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not capable of working,
thus
can have quite an impact on the economy, and depends on where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, families do not have the income to look after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer, the human population will increase, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will result in more pollution and faster depletion of natural resources for human demands.

In conclusion
, the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy could bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "its adverse consequences"?
it’s adverse consequences
should not
be overlooked
.
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IELTS essay just a random essey i made no worries

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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