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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 1
Nowadays, social media is increasing in popularity around the world. It is argued by some that these apps and websites are causing negative effects on human's life and the whole society. I disagree because this tool brings some benefits to people, however, I also believe that it generates losses of users' privacy in some instances. First of all, web pages, such as Instagram and Facebook, are amazing because people can get in touch with others all the time. Being connected with our friends ad family by social media is easy and quick. Also, everybody can share their especial moments posting a picture or a video on YouTube. For example, my older bother posting numerous pictures and videos of his wedding on Instagram and Facebook as well. He was really happy because he received plenty of likes and comments of his contacts. Despite this, It is crucial do not cross the limit and be overexposed. The key is knowing where to stop, due to we do not need to show everything to other users. Each person has to be aware of the consequences and risks that it could bring. For instance, My friend Emma used to overuse Facebook until. One day, she realized that she was concerned all the time about the pictures that she should post and what other people are going to think about them, instead of enjoying the real moment with friends or family. To sum up, social media is amazing to develop togetherness of society. Nonetheless, we should use these tools in a responsible way, not showing everything about our lives. As a modern society, everyone should be aware about the difference of real life and virtual one.
Nowadays, social media is increasing in popularity around the world. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that these apps and websites are causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on human's life and the whole society. I disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this tool brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
however
, I
also
believe that it generates losses of users' privacy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instances.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, web pages, such as Instagram and Facebook, are amazing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with others all the time.
Being connected
with our friends ad family by social media is easy and quick.
Also
, everybody can share their especial moments posting a picture or a video on YouTube.
For example
, my older bother posting numerous pictures and videos of his wedding on Instagram and Facebook
as well
. He was
really
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he received
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of likes and comments of his contacts.

Despite this, It is crucial do not cross the limit and
be overexposed
. The key
The verb 'knowing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is knowing
where to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
, due to we do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
everything to other users. Each person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be aware of the consequences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
that it could bring.
For instance
, My friend Emma
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to overuse Facebook until. One day, she realized that she
was concerned
all the time about the pictures that she should post and what other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about them,
instead
of enjoying the real moment with friends or family.

To sum up, social media is amazing to develop togetherness of society. Nonetheless, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these tools
Consider replacing "in a responsible way" with the adverb for "responsible"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a responsible way
, not showing everything about our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As a modern society, everyone should be aware about the difference of real life and virtual one.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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