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"Smoking should be banned in all public places. Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion. " v.2

"Smoking should be banned in all public places. Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion. " v. 2
Smoking has been known as a risk factor for a number of lethal and debilitating health problems. No matter a person is a first-hand smoker or a passive smoker, the harmful effects of it is inevitable in both situations. However, smokers are part of our societies and, in my opinion, banning cigarette smoking in public places is not be a reasonable approach to reduce its adverse effects. Although it may be temporarily useful, in long run it may lead to other social as well as medical problems. Smoking is a strong addiction. Medical research has shown that addiction to Nicotine, the addictive ingredient of cigarette, is so strong that giving it up is more difficult than Morphine. This fact implies that restricting the smokers is not going to hinder them from their habit. According to WHO statistics, more than half of the populations of developing countries are cigarette smokers. It means that smokeless public places will reject more than fifty percent of a society from enjoying their time there. Consequently, the rate of social dissatisfaction will gradually rise to an alarming point and the stability of society will be in danger. In China, where the public smoking is going to be illegal, a national survey has highlighted that many smokers feel desperate and angry about legal codes on smoking. They feel as being out-casted and some of them consider immigration as their final resort. A recent research on the results of such kind of restrictions in public facilities has suggested that smokers have not reduced the amount of their use, but have resorted to private places. The research indicated that lung and heart diseases have increased among their family members and partners. In other words, shifting the habit from public to private territories still affect the society by health issues and put a burden on national health services. Considering the available data and facts, it is obvious that legal actions on smoking in public places will not be a wise measure to manage the adverse effects of cigarette smoke. In contrary, it may still cause some social and medical problems. I believe that education from the early school days is a much better solution to the smoking problem than banning smokers from public places.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
has
been known
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factor for a number of lethal and debilitating health problems. No matter a person is a
first
-hand smoker or a passive smoker, the harmful effects of it is inevitable in both situations.
However
, smokers are part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and, in my opinion, banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is not
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
a reasonable approach to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
its adverse effects. Although it may be
temporarily
useful, in long run it may lead to other social
as well
as medical problems.

Smoking is a strong addiction. Medical research has shown that addiction to Nicotine, the addictive ingredient of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strong that giving it up is more difficult than Morphine. This fact implies that restricting the smokers is not going to hinder them from their habit. According to WHO statistics, more than half of the populations of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
smokers. It means that smokeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
will reject more than fifty percent of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
from enjoying their time there.
Consequently
, the rate of social dissatisfaction will
gradually
rise to an alarming point and the stability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

In China, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is going to be illegal, a national survey has highlighted that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
smokers feel desperate and angry about legal codes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. They feel as being
Possible spelling mistake found.
out-casted
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them consider immigration as their final resort.

A recent research on the results of such kind of restrictions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities has suggested that smokers have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the amount of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have resorted to private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. The research indicated that lung and heart diseases have increased among their family members and partners.
In other words
, shifting the habit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to private territories
still
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by health issues and put a burden on national health services.

Considering the available data and facts, it is obvious that legal actions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
will not be a wise measure to manage the adverse effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
smoke. In contrary, it may
still
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social and medical problems. I believe that education from the early school days is a much better solution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
problem than banning smokers from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay "Smoking should be banned in all public places. Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion. " v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
374 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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