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Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. Do you agree or disagree? v.12

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. v. 12
Protecting the health environment is an essential thing in human's life, even keeping the fresh air from any pollution, including the smoke from smoking, which could harm the surrounding of the smoker. However, I personally agree that smoking should be prohibited in public area which its detail reason will be discussed in this essay. First and foremost, smoking is a dangerous issue that has to get a concern from the public. It is highly likely that the danger is not only giving impact to the smoker, but it will also pollute the clear air around them. For example, when the air is polluted, afterwards, the health level will be decreased due to its terrible smoke. Some cases show that there is an artist who has died because of its broken lung, while he is not a smoker, yet as a person who has been living around the smokers. As a result, it could affect a serious illness and lead to a death. Furthermore, there is another unhealthy environment in public places which caused by the vehicles that called pollution from its smog. As in a fact, if the pollution from the vehicles could not be denied, then the smoking would have to be strictly banned in common area. By means that it is better to minimize the increase in the level of threatening air around human's living. Accordingly, the government should highly forbid the smokers to smoke everywhere as much as they want. By way conclusion, the harmful thing could be better to avoid instead of cure it, especially in the matter of smoking in the common places which will refer to not only detriment the health breathing of smokers, but also the others, as well as increase the level of unhealthy air that have been covered by the pollution of the smog of vehicles. Therefore, the prohibition and punishment of smokers should be resolutely done by the policy maker without any hesitation for the sake of safe life.
Protecting the health environment is an essential thing in human's life, even keeping the fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
from any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, including the smoke from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, which could harm the surrounding of the smoker.
However
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should
be prohibited
in public area which its detail reason will
be discussed
in this essay.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
issue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a concern from the public. It is
highly
likely that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
giving impact to the smoker,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
also
pollute the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
around them.
For example
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
is polluted
, afterwards, the health level will
be decreased
due to its terrible smoke.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
cases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that there is an artist who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its broken lung, while he is not a smoker,
yet
as a person who has been living around the smokers.
As a result
, it could affect a serious illness and lead to a death.

Furthermore
, there is another unhealthy environment in public places which caused by the vehicles that called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
from its smog. As in a fact, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
from the vehicles could not
be denied
, then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
strictly
banned in common area. By means that it is better to minimize the increase in the level of threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
around human's living.
Accordingly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
highly
forbid the smokers to smoke everywhere as much as they want.

By way conclusion, the harmful thing could be better to avoid
instead
of cure it,
especially
in the matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in the common places which will refer to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
detriment the health breathing of smokers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the others,
as well
as increase the level of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
that have
been covered
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
of the smog of vehicles.
Therefore
, the prohibition and punishment of smokers should be
resolutely
done by the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy maker
without any hesitation for the sake of safe life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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