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Smoking must be banded at home and public places. To what extent do you agree?

Smoking must be banded at home and public places. wK6ln
Although medical studies have shown that smoking not only leads to health problems for the smoker, but also for those around, many smokers still do not care for some reasons. To finish this issue, I support the view that smoking is not permitted both at home and public places. It has been proven that tobacco consists of carcinogenic compounds which cause serious harm to health and environment. Many medical reports published that cigarettes are the main cause leads to lung and respiratory diseases millions of die of smoking every year. Moreover, non-smokers get risk of many health-related issues evidences show that pregnant women and children are also victims of this problem. In addition, many people said that they cannot breathe when someone is smoking around, it is not overrated when agreeing that smoking polluted the air. So, there is urgent need to halt smoking in public areas. However, it is a challenge in preventing private home smoking. Firstly, if a ban is run many workers, farmers will lose their jobs, lots of factories and shops will have to close. Besides, a lot of information said that E-cigarettes are not harmful to human health, but that are trick of businessman to market their product. Finally, smoking is not against the law especial home is their own space so they can do anything as they wish. In conclusion, smokers should realize that cigarettes is harmful and stop smoking. The government must be considered that smoking in public areas is illegal, I believe that will improve health and our living environment.
Although medical studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems for the smoker,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for those around,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
smokers
still
do not care for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. To finish this issue, I support the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is not permitted both at home and public places.

It has
been proven
that tobacco consists of carcinogenic compounds which cause serious harm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
medical reports published that cigarettes are the main cause leads to lung and respiratory diseases millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
every year.
Moreover
, non-smokers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health-related issues evidences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that pregnant women and children are
also
victims of this problem.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
said that they cannot breathe when someone is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
around, it is not overrated when agreeing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
polluted the air.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is urgent need to halt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public areas.

However
, it is a challenge in preventing private home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
Firstly
, if a ban
is run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers, farmers will lose their jobs, lots of factories and shops will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
close.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information said that E-cigarettes are not harmful to human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that are trick of businessman to market their product.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is not against the law especial home is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
space
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can do anything as they wish.

In conclusion
, smokers should realize that cigarettes is harmful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public areas is illegal, I believe that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and our living environment.
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IELTS essay Smoking must be banded at home and public places.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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