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Smart phones are now used a lot on a daily basis. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this device?

Smart phones are now used a lot on a daily basis. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this device? 6KGrj
On the other hand, besides the advantages, smartphones also have significant disadvantages. First of all, users can be addicted to their mobile phones. A famous university has published a research report that shows that almost half of smart phone users say that if users lose their phone, it will be very frustrating. This study shows that a lot of people are too dependent on them. Without smart phones, humans would be very bored and restless. Second, smart phones can interfere with communication as well as communication between users. For example, when walking or driving on the street, it can be seen that many people keep looking at their phones without talking to each other or when having dinner with a group of friends, it must be uncomfortable at times when my story is not noticed by others but those people are just staring at the phone screen. There have also been many cases of traffic accidents caused by vehicle users only looking at their phones.
On the other hand
,
besides
the advantages, smartphones
also
have significant disadvantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
can
be addicted
to their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
university has published a research report that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that almost half of smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
say that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
frustrating. This study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are too dependent on them. Without smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, humans would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
bored and restless. Second, smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can interfere with communication
as well
as communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
.
For example
, when walking or driving on the street, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
looking at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
without talking to each other or when having dinner with a group of friends, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be uncomfortable at times when my story is not noticed by others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
staring at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
screen. There have
also
been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases of traffic accidents caused by vehicle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
looking at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
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IELTS essay Smart phones are now used a lot on a daily basis. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this device?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
165 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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