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MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT MODERN TECHNOLOGY HAS MADE PEOPLE MORE SOCIABLE, WHILE OTHERS THINK THAT IT HAS ISOLATED THEM. DISCUSS BOTH IDEAS

MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT MODERN TECHNOLOGY HAS MADE PEOPLE MORE SOCIABLE, WHILE OTHERS THINK THAT IT HAS ISOLATED THEM. DISCUSS BOTH IDEAS QKyd1
Some people think that recent technological advances have boosted friendships and social bonds. On the contrary, others believe that high tech may lead to social isolation. To begin with, there are some positive aspects of high technology and their social impact. Socially speaking, one tangible effect may be tied to how social networks have changed people's lives worldwide. In today's world, interaction starts by turning on a smart gadget wherever we are and no matter the time. We can draw the conclusion that this is a collaboration of how technology, science and companies working together have made people's connection easier. What is more, this seems to have given room to some particular activities such as online finances, trading and even online health where technology seems to be playing a colossal impact. Secondly, many sociologists believe that young generations are turning more socially distant and reluctant, jeopardizing social bonds. That is why for many people there are some drawbacks linked to technology's influence on social relationships. Recent surveys have shown that most communications are taking place through smart gadgets and this may contribute to some distractions such as secondary advertisements. This information of adds might become more relevant than their own sociability promoting solitary activities. In conclusion, modern technology has made people more sociable in some ways through the shortening of online connection at any time. However, it has jeopardized other important social aspects through commercial advertisements and pop add distractions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that recent technological advances have boosted friendships and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
bonds.
On the contrary
, others believe that high tech may lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
isolation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
impact.
Socially
speaking, one tangible effect may
be tied
to how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
worldwide. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, interaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
by turning on a smart gadget wherever we are and no matter the time. We can draw the conclusion that this is a collaboration of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, science and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
working together have made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's connection easier.
What is more
, this seems to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
room to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular activities such as online finances, trading and even online health where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
seems to be playing a colossal impact.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sociologists believe that young generations are turning more
socially
distant and reluctant, jeopardizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
bonds.
That is
why for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks linked to technology's influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relationships.

Recent surveys have shown that most communications are taking place through smart gadgets and this may contribute to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
distractions such as secondary advertisements. This information of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
might become more relevant than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sociability promoting solitary activities.

In conclusion
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more sociable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways through the shortening of online connection at any time.
However
, it has jeopardized other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
aspects through commercial advertisements and pop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
distractions.
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IELTS essay MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT MODERN TECHNOLOGY HAS MADE PEOPLE MORE SOCIABLE, WHILE OTHERS THINK THAT IT HAS ISOLATED THEM. DISCUSS BOTH IDEAS

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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