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Smacking children is the best form of discipline.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Smacking children is the best form of discipline. v. 8
It is an undeniable truth that, for children to lead a successful life they must learn how to stay disciplined. It is sometimes thought that scolding and beating is the best way by which they can be taught good manners. I, however, do not agree with this point of view and following are the reasons to believe so. Firstly, it is human nature to grow and develop smoothly in a comfortable atmosphere. For example, it is a very common observation that, the students who are treated harshly in schools, grow up to be extremely arrogant. This is because, the disrespect they experience during childhood, moulds them into a careless individual. Moreover, when they get old, they tend to treat their youngsters the same way they were treated, leading to a continuation of this vicious cycle. Secondly, there are a few parents who believe that, the betterment of their children depends totally on how strict the parenting is. For instance, canning the children, especially boys, makes them really stubborn. They do not obey their parents then and a negative perception is borne in their minds. Similarly, slapping or grounding, in order to make them follow instructions, does not work at all. But, if they are explained and taught with love and affection, their personality grooms tremendously and they get to know the true meaning of a disciplined and well-mannered lifestyle. To conclude, although the strict attitude of parents and teachers, for the proper growth of the children is fruitful to some extent, this mainly deteriorates their brought up and personality, and they grow up to be ill-mannered, disrespectful and impolite adults.
It is an undeniable truth that, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to lead a successful life they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn how to stay disciplined. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that scolding and beating is the best way by which they can
be taught
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners. I,
however
, do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view and following are the reasons to believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Firstly
, it is human nature to grow and develop
smoothly
in a comfortable atmosphere.
For example
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common observation that, the students who
are treated
harshly
in schools, grow up to be
extremely
arrogant. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the disrespect they experience during childhood,
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulds' is British English.
moulds
them into a careless individual.
Moreover
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they tend to treat their youngsters the same way they
were treated
, leading to a continuation of this vicious cycle.

Secondly
, there are a few parents who believe that, the betterment of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
depends
totally
on how strict the parenting is.
For instance
, canning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
boys,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
really
stubborn. They do not obey their parents then and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
perception
is borne
in their minds.
Similarly
, slapping or grounding, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them follow instructions, does not work at all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
and taught with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection, their personality grooms
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tremendously and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the true meaning of a disciplined and well-mannered lifestyle.

To conclude
, although the strict attitude of parents and teachers, for the proper growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is fruitful to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, this
mainly
deteriorates their brought up and personality, and they grow up to be ill-mannered, disrespectful and impolite adults.
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IELTS essay Smacking children is the best form of discipline.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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