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Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. To what extend do you agree. . v.2

Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. . v. 2
There is a view that it is now worthless to visit museum to gain knowledge about different culture and history as these days all information related to this are available on the internet. I completely disagree with this thought. First of all, the depth information regarding culture which can not gain through electronic medium on the internet as they only cover brief view about it. For example, it is easy to adopt basic ideas about different social group’s clothes and structure of house from the pictures availalble on the internet but to feel about the atmosphere in reality, people has to visit the museum because museum is such a place where things from different heritage and ethics are being stored for viewing purpose. Thus, less information from the computer can be misguid or can not fulfill one’s desire for understanding different culture which can only be done in physical visit in the museum. Another one is that people used to be more motivated by looking, touching and listening about history compare to reading about them online. For instance, learning about how one’s country got the freedom in a war by visting war museum is more effective than reading in the article online. In other words, people feel more inspired and understand the value of their freedom through monuments and equipment being used in the war of freedom. Result of this, energetic youngester sometime do register themself with the defence army after visiting such museum and that develops country’s army strength. In conclusion, although infromation related various culture and history available on the interenet, it can not fulfill people’s requirement in terms of depth information and motivation. To do so, personal visit to such museum is required.
There is a view that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
worthless to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to gain knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and history as these days all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
related to this are available on the internet. I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the depth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
which can not gain through electronic medium on the internet as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cover brief view about it.
For example
, it is easy to adopt basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
social group’s clothes and structure of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
from the pictures
Possible spelling mistake found.
availalble
on the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to feel about the atmosphere in reality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is such a place where things from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
heritage and ethics are
being stored
for viewing purpose.
Thus
, less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from the computer can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
misguid
or can not fulfill one’s desire for understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be done
in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
in the museum.

Another one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be more motivated by looking, touching and listening about history compare to reading about them online.
For instance
, learning about how one’s country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the freedom in a war by
Possible spelling mistake found.
visting
war
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is more effective than reading in the article online.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel more inspired and understand the value of their freedom through monuments and equipment being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the war of freedom. Result of this, energetic
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngester
sometime do register
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
army after visiting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and that develops country’s army strength.

In conclusion
, although
Possible spelling mistake found.
infromation
related various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and history available on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
interenet
, it can not fulfill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
requirement in terms of depth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and motivation. To do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is required
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. . v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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