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Shows the pictures below shows the plan of a new town

Shows the pictures below shows the plan of a new town 8JVOl
is irrefutable true that, in some areas of the world children many times a say that they can achieve anything if they try hard work. there are many proses and beans of this message which I will discuss in the upcoming paragraph. On the one hand, there are many advantages. the first and foremost is that they will set aims and targets in their life to elaborate it, they thought that they can achieve anything of the the hard work they can set aims and targets for their future and it will be easy for the future of a young kids as well as they will easily secure a good profession in the future. in addition to this, they can encourage and motivate to each other if they fail the target. for example if any student fail their target, his or her friend keep encouraged and motivated to try again hard work of this message. On the other side, there are many disadvantages. firstly, if they put pressure to achieve anything by hard work they can suffer from any diseases regarding health. for instance, problems like stress, anxiety and many other problems. moreover, if they have burden of achieving anything they will not enough time to spend with family members. To conclude, although, there are many disadvantages of this message they can encourage and motivate to each other but there are many disadvantages of they will suffer many diseases and students want to become topper and they have burden of their study and sometimes some students suffered many health related problem.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
is
irrefutable true that, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas of the world children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times a say that they can achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
if they try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
proses
and beans of this message which I will discuss in the upcoming paragraph.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
first
and foremost is that they will set aims and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
targets
in their life to elaborate it, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that they can achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they can set aims and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
targets
for their future and it will be easy for the future of a young kids
as well
as they will
easily
secure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
profession in the future.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
addition to this, they can encourage and motivate to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
if they fail the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example if any student fail their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
encouraged and motivated to try again
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of this message.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
, if they put pressure to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they can suffer from any diseases regarding health.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, problems like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
problems.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, if they have burden of achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anything
they will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend with family members.

To conclude
, although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of this message they can encourage and motivate to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of they will suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases and students want to become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
topper and
they have burden of their study and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students suffered
Possible agreement error. The noun health seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much health", "a good deal of health".
many health
related problem.
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IELTS essay Shows the pictures below shows the plan of a new town

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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