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Shoule take care of children at home by gramdparents or go to school by the babysitter. Disscusion both views

Shoule take care of children at home by gramdparents or go to school by the babysitter. Disscusion both views brBpQ
On the one hand, there are a variety advantage of looking after children in nursery school. One of the key benefits is that as offspring is likely to be more independent and strict. Specifically, they are slept on right time, eaten healthy food, and educated well. For example, kids who belong to 2-5 years old, go to kindergatern at 7am as well as come back home at 4pm. However, the babysitter are not able to observe all of students for a long time. As a result, if  kids don't obey for these aforementioned rules, it could be difficult to ensure totally the safety of class.
On the one hand, there are a variety advantage of looking after children in nursery school. One of the key benefits is that as offspring is likely to be more independent and strict.
Specifically
, they
are slept
on right time, eaten healthy food, and educated well.
For example
, kids who belong to 2-5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, go to
Possible spelling mistake found.
kindergatern
at 7am
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back home at 4pm.
However
, the babysitter are not able to observe
Consider using "all students" or "all of the students".
all of students
for a long time.
As a result
, if
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
kids don't obey for these aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, it could be difficult to ensure
totally
the safety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
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IELTS essay Shoule take care of children at home by gramdparents or go to school by the babysitter. Disscusion both views

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
105 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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