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expansion of super markets and effect on local community

expansion of super markets and effect on local community lRYbb
As many local businesses have limited competition ability, some believe that it would be able to survive in the next decade; therefore, local community would diminish accordingly. Personally, I reckon that expansion of mega super markets has leaded to dwindling of local community because it had effect on the identity and owner together. Firstly in spite of the fact that the reasons of losing local community are manifold, identity still plays a pivotal role in this field. While many super markets sell international products, small business generally sell typical one. Since food shapes culture, eroding of these stores would lead to diminishing of local community. Furthermore, while cosmopolitan flagship super markets have certain architectural pattern, they don't accept to stay at conventional neighborhood. Once their inauguration in a district increases, this would demolish old building and its accompanied identity. Secondly, since several owners of this tiny businesses have limited income, they consider them as the alone breadwinner to their families. Thus, declining of number of this trade would inevitably force those people to travel outside; therefore, traditional community won't be able to confront the expansion of new one. Moreover, people who preserve their identity have some difficulties with others because plethora of new generations is against the old mentality. For example, traditional people who aren’t able to run their own business would inevitably find themselves compelled to incorporate in the modern community to find a job. In conclusion, thriving of giant supermarkets could certainly undermine the old businesses so old community would be under threat. I think this enhancing in malls sector would eliminate the identity and affect conventional society existence.
As
many
local
businesses
have limited competition ability,
some
believe that it would be able to survive in the
next
decade;
therefore
,
local
community
would diminish
accordingly
.
Personally
, I reckon that expansion of mega super markets has leaded to dwindling of
local
community
because
it had effect on the
identity
and owner together.

Firstly
in spite of
the fact that the reasons of losing
local
community
are manifold,
identity
still
plays a pivotal role in this field. While
many
super markets sell international products,
small
business
generally
sell typical one. Since food shapes culture, eroding of these stores would lead to diminishing of
local
community
.
Furthermore
, while cosmopolitan flagship super markets have certain architectural pattern, they don't accept to stay at conventional neighborhood. Once their inauguration in a district increases, this would demolish
old
building and its accompanied identity.

Secondly
, since several owners of this tiny
businesses
have limited income, they consider them as the alone breadwinner to their families.
Thus
, declining of number of this trade would
inevitably
force those
people
to travel outside;
therefore
, traditional
community
won't be able to confront the expansion of new one.
Moreover
,
people
who preserve their
identity
have
some
difficulties with others
because
plethora of new generations is against the
old
mentality.
For example
, traditional
people
who aren’t able to run their
own
business
would
inevitably
find themselves compelled to incorporate in the modern
community
to find a job.

In conclusion
, thriving of giant supermarkets could
certainly
undermine the
old
businesses
so
old
community
would be under threat. I
think
this enhancing in malls sector would eliminate the
identity
and affect conventional society existence.
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IELTS essay expansion of super markets and effect on local community

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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