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Should young people be given strict rules to be followed in a society? Do you agree or disagree on this. Support with relevant examples and reasons. v.2

Should young people be given strict rules to be followed in a society? on this. Support with relevant examples and reasons. v. 2
The young generation is the future of any nation. The way in which youth progresses is one of the major factor in determining the development of a nation. Thus the younger generation needs to be responsible, more focused and determined and for that it is important that some strict rules are imposed on them while they are in their youth stage and hence I agree with the topic. One reason why these rules are required is that it makes them more disciplined which in turn changes their approach towards anything they do or perform. Following the rules will help them do their work on time and they won’t procrastinate or delay their work. This will help them in the progress of their work which will directly have a positive effect on the society or the institution they are working in. And hence this will have a positive impact on the growth of our nation. Another reason why imposing rules are important is that youth is a very risky age and this is the age when most of the young generation lose their track, forget all their responsibilities and indulge themselves into activities which are not beneficial for them nor for the society. They lose their focus and all their actions have a negative impact on them and also on everyone around them. Thus it is important that they follow some ground rules and their parents as well as their teachers make sure that they are following these rules. Thus, in conclusion imposing rules on the youth is important. It can be difficult but as it is followed everywhere that if the rules are not followed a penalty has to be paid, the same can be applied on the youth and this will ensure that they follow them. At the beginning there will a lot opposition from the youth’s side but it is the responsibility of the society to make them realize how important they are.
The young generation is the future of any nation. The way in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
progresses is one of the major factor in determining the development of a nation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the younger generation needs to be responsible, more focused and determined and for that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are imposed
on them while they are in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
stage and
hence
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the topic.

One reason why these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are required
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more disciplined which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
their approach towards anything they do or perform. Following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them do their work on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they won’t procrastinate or delay their work. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the progress of their work which will
directly
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the society or the institution they are working in. And
hence
this will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the growth of our nation.

Another reason why imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
risky age and this is the age when most of the young generation lose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
, forget all their responsibilities and indulge themselves into activities which are not beneficial for them nor for the society. They lose their focus and all their actions have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on them and
also
on everyone around them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
that they follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and their parents
as well
as their teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they are following these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.

Thus
,
in conclusion
imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. It can be difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as it
is followed
everywhere that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are not followed a penalty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be paid
, the same can
be applied
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
and this will ensure that they follow them. At the beginning there will
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of opposition"?
a lot opposition
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth’s
side
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the responsibility of the society to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them realize how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
they are.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Should young people be given strict rules to be followed in a society? on this. Support with relevant examples and reasons. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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