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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? qmdP
There is no doubt that music is considered as one of the most popular means of entertainment in our world. While many people concurred that music is a crucial part in our life, some may argue that traditional songs are more important than the International ones we have nowadays. In this essay, I will explore the role of music and explain my view that to an extend, we should protect and preserve our traditional music. One reason music is essential to us is that it is one of the means to express ourselves. It is evident that human can use their music to virtually match their emotions and events: happy music for the wedding, romantic songs for proposal, or endearing tunes for the farewell party. In addition, music is known to stimulate our brain and body, even when we are not aware of it. As a result, some doctors recommend that patients who are in a comma can listen to music, especially to their favourite bands or playlist, to keep their brains alive. There is no deny that modern music which keeps appearing in the International Music Charts, has produced a great amount of revenue. While this has greatly secured the life of both artists and employees who work in this industry during the pandemic, a rap song from the US cannot not uniquely respresent the real life situation in Vietnam. On the other hand, traditional music normally would contain the work, life and even the history of its country. For instance, not only do Vietnamese traditional lullabies describle about the rice fields and the buffalos in them, they also tell the folklores and the historic events of the old age. Therefore, human may lose a great part of our culture if traditional tunes cease to exits. In conclusion, while new international songs can be a good source of income, I would argue that traditional songs should be preserve and broadcast more to our listener. As music is an effective way to express ourselves, I believe we can enjoy the new tunes while knowing that our cuture and history are well recorded in our traditional songs.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is considered
as one of the most popular means of entertainment in our world. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
concurred that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a crucial part in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
songs are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the International ones we have nowadays. In this essay, I will explore the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my view that to
After 'an', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'extend' is correct. If 'extend' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an extend
, we should protect and preserve our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
music.

One reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is essential to us is that it is one of the means to express ourselves. It is evident that human can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
virtually
match their emotions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
: happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for the wedding, romantic songs for proposal, or endearing tunes for the farewell party.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is known
to stimulate our brain and body, even when we are not aware of it.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
doctors recommend that patients who are in a comma can listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
especially
to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
bands or playlist, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their brains alive.

There is no deny that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
appearing in the International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
Charts, has produced a great amount of revenue. While this has
greatly
secured the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of both artists and employees who work in this industry during the pandemic, a rap song from the US cannot not
uniquely
Possible spelling mistake found.
respresent
the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
situation in Vietnam.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
normally
would contain the work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and even the history of its country.
For instance
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
lullabies
Possible spelling mistake found.
describle
about the rice fields and the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "buffalo", the plural form of the noun 'buffalo'?
buffalos
in them, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
folklores
and the historic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.
Therefore
, human may lose a great part of our culture if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
tunes cease to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "exit".
exits
.

In conclusion
, while new international songs can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of income, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
songs should be
Did you mean "preserved"?
preserve
and broadcast more to our listener. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an effective way to express ourselves, I believe we can enjoy the new tunes while knowing that our
Possible spelling mistake found.
cuture
and history are well recorded in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
songs.
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IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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