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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or, is it the responsibilities of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or, is it the responsibilities of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? PBW2
Having the opportunity for a high quality of living is the right for all people. The nations which are healthier should aid the impoverished citizens of the poorer countries. Moreover, it is the responsibility of the government also to manage their country. By doing this, with the help of abroad nations can develop faster and with the latter one nations become independent. This essay discuss points briefly. To commence with, richer countries can give aid to poorer nations for their rapid development as impoverished nations can develop faster in years instead of centuries and decades. They can not only share nutrition but also knowledge and literacy which help the countries to become wealthier as people can get employment and strength. It is not only humanitarian but also beneficial for all people of the not developed country. In the light of this, in 2016, the Indian government send 200 million tonnes of the wheat to south africa which had been stricken by the drought in order to reduce the problem. Of course, aid by the developed countries help the developing countries to survive in their life. On the other hand, it should be the responsibility of the the local authorities to aid the local citizen so that they can happily survive in their life. No doubt, some culture and requirement of the nations know their own bureaucrats rather than international government so they can provide food and education to the needy people for the development of the economy as well as employment. For instance, Foreign nations have their own crises such as drought, or many projects so it is little bit difficult for them to always help the other neighbor country. To conclude, after discussed above assertions, I would like to infer that both government and wealthy nations go hand in hand, and put their best foot forward together for overall development of impoverished citizens.
Having the opportunity for a high quality of living is the right for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
which are healthier should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
the impoverished citizens of the poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Moreover
, it is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
also
to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. By doing this, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can develop faster and with the latter one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
become independent.
The verb 'discuss' is plural. Did you mean: "This essay discusses"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This essay discuss
points
briefly
.

To commence with, richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
for their rapid development as impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can develop faster in years
instead
of centuries and decades. They can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
share nutrition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
knowledge and literacy which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to become wealthier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment and strength. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
humanitarian
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
beneficial for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the not developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In the light of this, in 2016, the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
200 million tonnes of the wheat to
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
south africa
which had been stricken by the drought in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the problem.
Of course
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
by the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to survive in their life.

On the other hand
, it should be the responsibility of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
local authorities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
the local citizen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
happily
survive in their life. No doubt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
culture and requirement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
know their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bureaucrats
rather
than international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can provide food and education to the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the development of the economy
as well
as employment.
For instance
, Foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
crises such as drought, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
projects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
difficult for them to always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the other neighbor country.

To conclude
, after discussed above assertions, I would like to infer that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
go hand in hand, and put their best foot forward together for
overall
development of impoverished citizens.
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IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or, is it the responsibilities of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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