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”Should university students work part-time?”

”Should university students work part-time? ” WgYok
The question of whether or not university students should work part-time is a complex and nuanced one, but I have come up with a few key points to consider. First, part-time jobs help students gain more practical experience. A recent study suggests that university students who work part-time are more engaged in their studies, learn more efficiently, and ultimately perform better than those who do not. Second, many university students work part-time to supplement their university degree or their income. For example, some students are working as a waitress or as an office assistant because it’s part-time and often only requires a few hours a week that could be easily fitted into class time before or after lectures. This helps to pay for school fees and pay for daily living expenses without the help of parents. Third, we see that part-time jobs bring quite a lot of benefits to students, but it must also be noted that the priority goal is to do well in school. After all, students should carefully consider before deciding to do part-time work and should arrange part-time work reasonably to avoid affecting academic results.
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
The question of whether
or not
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university
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students
should
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work
part-time is a complex and nuanced one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have
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come
up with a few key points to consider.
First
, part-time jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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students
gain more practical experience. A recent study suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
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work
part-time are more engaged in their studies, learn more
efficiently
, and
ultimately
perform better than those who do not. Second,
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many
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university
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students
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work
part-time to supplement their
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university
degree or their income.
For example
,
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some
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students
are working as a waitress or as an office assistant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it’s part-time and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
requires a few hours a week that could be
easily
fitted into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
or after lectures. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to pay for school fees and pay for daily living expenses without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of parents. Third, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that part-time jobs bring quite
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a lot of
benefits to
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students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be noted
that the priority goal is to do well in school.
After all
,
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students
should
carefully
consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding to do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and should arrange part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
reasonably
to avoid affecting academic results.
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IELTS essay ”Should university students work part-time? ”

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
189 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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