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the number of commuters using car, bus and train

the number of commuters using car, bus and train m8bWK
In 1882, the number of oil production was 2 million barrels. Similarly, the number of oil consumption was around 1, 9 million barrels in the same year. From 1982 to 1986, oil production witnessed a considerable rise by 1 million barrels and in the next 8 years, the number of oil barrels produced increased slightly to 3 million barrels per day. The oil usage grew marginally from 1982 to 1990 before undergoing a significant growth to 3 million barrels from 1990 to 1994. As a result, the amount of oil produced and used were the same in 1994. In the next 12-year period, a moderate rise was observed in oil consumption in the first 4 years and then the figure of oil usage increased sharply to around 6, 1 million barrels per day. The period from 1994 to 2006 also witnessed a steady rise to nearly 3, 5 million barrels per day of oil production.
In 1882, the number of
oil
production was 2
million
barrels
.
Similarly
, the number of
oil
consumption was around 1, 9
million
barrels
in the same
year
. From 1982 to 1986,
oil
production witnessed a considerable rise by 1
million
barrels
and in the
next
8 years, the number of
oil
barrels
produced increased
slightly
to 3
million
barrels
per day. The
oil
usage grew
marginally
from 1982 to 1990
before
undergoing a significant growth to 3
million
barrels
from 1990 to 1994.
As a result
, the amount of
oil
produced and
used
were the same in 1994.

In the
next
12-year
period, a moderate rise
was observed
in
oil
consumption in the
first
4 years and then the figure of
oil
usage increased
sharply
to around 6, 1
million
barrels
per day. The period from 1994 to 2006
also
witnessed a steady rise to
nearly
3, 5
million
barrels
per day of
oil
production.
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IELTS essay the number of commuters using car, bus and train

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
155 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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