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Compared to a method of storing information in the past, nowadays people opt for the way to preserve information on the internet.

Compared to a method of storing information in the past, nowadays people opt for the way to preserve information on the internet. 3WYaJ
Compared to a method of storing information in the past, nowadays people opt for the way to preserve information on the internet. From my perspective, although storing information online has some limitations, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. This essay will present my views on both sides of this issue. On the positive side, first of all, access to information has been greatly improved since the development of technology. In other words, today's data access is no longer limited by time and space. No matter where you are, when you need it, and what you want to know, you can get that knowledge with just one click on the internet. Unlike in the past, now if you have a laptop or phone, you'll be able to see what's happening on the other side of the globe instead of having to read dozens of different newspapers. Second, you can diversify your choices thanks to the vast amount of information on the internet. In particular, the internet is widespread across all fields and is global, so it allows the posting of hundreds of information sources from all over the world. That means with just one question but you can get a lot of information for the field you want to learn about. On the negative side, an obvious downside to relying on technology is health damage. It is because of the overwhelming convenience of the internet that more and more people overuse it. Especially young people, it can be seen that today teenagers spend most of their time using mobile devices for study, work, and entertainment. The danger is that electronic screens contain ultraviolet rays that are very harmful to the eyes and if using a phone or laptop continuously can cause eye disease for them. Moreover, dependence on the internet can make people lose their creativity and passivity in finding information in reality. I mean thanks to the internet, the necessary information is always available and people don't need to go out to discover life on their own. As a result, people become passive and separate from the outside society. However, I think this is completely controllable as long as one is conscious of the time spent on the phone and balances the virtual world with the real world. From the above arguments, it can be concluded that everything has two sides and so does the storage of information on the internet. Although there are some disadvantages, it is still controllable by human self-discipline. Hence I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Compared to a method of storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in the past, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt for the way to preserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the internet. From my perspective, although storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
online has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limitations, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. This essay will present my views on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
of this issue.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
has been
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
since the development of technology.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's data access is no longer limited by time and space. No matter where you are, when you need it, and what you want to know, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that knowledge with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one click on the internet. Unlike in the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
if you have a laptop or phone, you'll be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what's happening on the other side of the globe
instead
of having to read dozens of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
newspapers. Second, you can diversify your choices thanks to the vast amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the internet.
In particular
, the internet is widespread across all fields and is global,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the posting of hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
sources from all over the world. That means with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one question
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for the field you want to learn about.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, an obvious downside to relying on technology is health damage. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the overwhelming convenience of the internet that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overuse it.
Especially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend most of their time using mobile devices for study, work, and entertainment. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
is that electronic screens contain ultraviolet rays that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful to the eyes and if using a phone or laptop
continuously
can cause eye disease for them.
Moreover
, dependence on the internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their creativity and passivity in finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in reality. I mean thanks to the internet, the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is always available and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't need to go out to discover life on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become passive and separate from the outside society.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is completely controllable as long as one is conscious of the time spent on the phone and balances the virtual world with the real world.

From the above arguments, it can
be concluded
that everything has two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
does the storage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the internet. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, it is
still
controllable by human self-discipline.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
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IELTS essay Compared to a method of storing information in the past, nowadays people opt for the way to preserve information on the internet.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
420 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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