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Should students go abroad for higher studies?

Should students go abroad for higher studies? LlxG6
Nowadays, education is an essential part of life because everyone wants to change their lifestyle. However, higher studies are a significant part of a professional career, and students are more interested in foreign studies. Firstly, in our society, some people believe students should go abroad for advanced studies because they have the right to improve themselves to achieve their goals. The number of young talent moves abroad for studies enhances the quality of knowledge in particular fields. Because the competition is increasing day by day, students are more worried that education does not meet the requirement of practical life. For instance, the recent educational survey shows that more than 1 million young talent leaves their own country for master studies. Moreover, those people also believe students should come back to their homeland and serve the nation. The reason behind this nation has required more skilled professionals for the upcoming talent. Secondly, some people do not like foreign studies. They think the education system should filter and promoting it. Because in the future we have to the massive shortage of skilled talent, and we cannot run the economic activity with a young population. So, the government should take the quality of education with a research centre in their own country and facilitate people. In a nutshell, I believe the student should avail of foreign education because it is the fastest way to improve ownself and numerous opportunities will be opening in the life.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an essential part of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their lifestyle.
However
, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
are a significant part of a professional career, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more interested in foreign studies.

Firstly
, in our society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should go abroad for advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves to achieve their goals. The number of young talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
abroad for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
enhances the quality of knowledge
in particular
fields.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the competition is increasing day by day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more worried that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the requirement of practical life.
For instance
, the recent educational survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more than 1 million young talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country for master
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Moreover
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to their homeland and serve the nation. The reason behind this nation has required more skilled professionals for the upcoming talent.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not like foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system should filter and promoting it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
in the future we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
the massive shortage of skilled talent, and we cannot run the economic activity with a young population.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
with a research
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country and facilitate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In a nutshell, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should avail of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the fastest way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
ownself
and numerous opportunities will be opening in the life.
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IELTS essay Should students go abroad for higher studies?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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