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Should students do other activities in addition to studying?

Should students do other activities in addition to studying? mbD5n
Full-time study in university is a great experience in life but in parallel to that students become inactive in other activities such as working for their pocket money, sports, participating in debates and socialization. People differ in their opinion if students must engaged in other things or stay concentrated on their studies only. The discussion will be presented below, followed by my opinion. Some people say that mere studying does not product an overall youth for a country. This way, students only earn theoretical knowledge -- not practical. For instance, students can be intelligent during their studies but at the same time when they come in the market to work n, they fail and cannot develop their confidence and work as brilliantly as they were in university. Hence, the best approach for them need to be engaged here and there for practical experience. On the other hand, others believe that building a better career is the foremost thing in today’s world. So, they are targeted to their studies and gain as much knowledge as they can. Furthermore, if they are diverted from their studies, they will not be able to make their target. In my point of view, there must be blending of full time education and extra activities. It refreshes students’ minds and provides more energy to concentrate on it. Moreover, by this way, they will learn how to be mingled with other people in the society. To summarize, it can be said that it is important to concentrate on study but on the other hand there must be something to keep them active and relaxed being involved in games, music, work and other extra activities.
Full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in university is a great experience in life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in parallel to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
become inactive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities such as working for their pocket money, sports, participating in debates and socialization.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
differ in their opinion if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things or stay concentrated on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. The discussion will
be presented
below, followed by my opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that mere studying does not product an
overall
youth for a country. This way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
earn theoretical knowledge -- not practical.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be intelligent during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in the market to work n, they fail and cannot develop their confidence and work as
brilliantly
as they were in university.
Hence
, the best approach for them need to
be engaged
here and there for practical experience.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others believe that building a better career is the foremost thing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
are targeted
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and gain as much knowledge as they can.
Furthermore
, if they
are diverted
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, they will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their target. In my point of view, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be blending of full time education and extra activities. It refreshes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
minds and provides more energy to concentrate on it.
Moreover
, by this way, they will learn how to
be mingled
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the society.

To summarize
, it can
be said
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be something to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them active and relaxed
being involved
in games, music, work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
extra activities.
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IELTS essay Should students do other activities in addition to studying?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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