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Should parents be punished for their children are getting obese?

Should parents be punished for their children are getting obese? GlWpx
It is argued that parents of overweight children are responsible for their children are getting obese. This essay is not agree with this statement because obesity is not the overcome of eating lots, It is the overcome of having lots of junk food in a terrible process and not doing exercises enough. One of the reason of being fat is having so much junk food in a day. For instance, cheeseburger, hamburger, biscuits, donuts which are really unhealthy meals for system of digesting in stomach. These days people are such a fond of eating lots of junk food because they are really delicious and prepared fast. Many are already used to having these snacks, despite the fact that they are still useless to stay fit. Fan of fast food never care about their health because of this, they are being fat. In this century, technologies are banding people to stay home with their gadgets that leads to people not move. So, this can be the reason which cause they get fat. In addition, every person has computers, mobile phones especially children. Moreover many prefer to stay home playing PUBG on their computer to go out in order to walking in fresh air or to be busy with yoga activities in a piece of spot. To conclude, I would mention again and again we can not punish parents because of their children getting obese. It come from having junk food lots and not doing outdoor activities enough.
It
is argued
that parents of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are getting obese. This essay is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
obesity is not the overcome of eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
, It is the overcome of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in a terrible process and not doing exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. One of the reason of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in a day.
For instance
, cheeseburger, hamburger, biscuits, donuts which are
really
unhealthy meals for system of digesting in stomach. These days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are such a fond of eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
really
delicious and prepared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
are already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
these snacks, despite the fact that they are
still
useless to stay fit. Fan of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
never care about their health
because of this
, they are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. In this century, technologies are banding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to stay home with their gadgets that leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this can be the reason which
Did you mean "because they"?
cause they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
In addition
, every person has computers, mobile phones
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prefer to stay home playing PUBG on their computer to go out in order to
Did you mean "walk"?
walking
in fresh air or to be busy with yoga activities in a piece of spot.
To conclude
, I would mention again and again we can not punish parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
getting obese. It
Did you mean "comes"?
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
and not doing outdoor activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
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IELTS essay Should parents be punished for their children are getting obese?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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