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It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. WYGMa
Nowadays, some people believe that constructing lots of public outdoor places is essential for urban areas, while others hold an opposite opinion, I personally favor the former point of view. It cannot be denied that building squares or parks wastes part of the land. The land price is truly high in the city so that each acre of lands should be used to make profits, such as building companies, department store, and so on. However, it would be difficult for citizens to live in a place, which is full of skyscrapers, without any public outdoor facility. On the other hand, people living in the city need some outdoor places to release their stress. For instance, in Asia, employees always work hard and often work over time. People have plenty of pressure due to high living prices as well as low salary. Therefore, public parks would be an ideal place for them to escape the hustle and bustle city life. They are not only able to sit on the grassland and relax, bit also can have a picnic with their family or friends. In addition, public outdoor places provide lots of space for citizens to do various activities. In the squares, old people can do some morning exercises, chatting with each others to make friends. Children can play at the playground and feed fishes around the pound in the park. Furthermore, public places decorate the towns and cities, which make our living space more colorful instead of being filled with industrial buildings. In conclusion, when it comes to the issue regarding public outdoor facilities, I would like to support constructing facilities since people living in the city would own places to do anything they want and also make the cities prettier.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that constructing lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is essential for urban areas, while others hold an opposite opinion, I
personally
favor the former point of view.

It cannot
be denied
that building squares or parks wastes part of the land. The land price is
truly
high in the city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that each acre of lands should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
profits, such as building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, department store, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
However
, it would be difficult for citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, which is full of skyscrapers, without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
facility.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the city need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to release their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For instance
, in Asia, employees always work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
work over time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of pressure due to high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
prices
as well
as low salary.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
parks would be an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for them to escape the hustle and bustle city life. They are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
able to sit on the grassland and relax,
It seems that an article is missing.
bit
also
can have a picnic with their family or friends.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
provide lots of space for citizens to do various activities. In the squares,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
morning exercises, chatting with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
friends. Children can play at the playground and feed fishes around the pound in the park.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
decorate the towns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
space more colorful
instead
of
being filled
with industrial buildings.

In conclusion
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the issue regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
facilities, I would like to support constructing facilities since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the city would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to do anything they want and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
prettier.
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IELTS essay It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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