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Should Malaysian Government Punish LGBT

LGBT is an initialism that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender which the term began to be used at the beginning in the mid-to-late 1980s. In Malaysia, the presence of LGBT people is opposed by some parties, and some support it. The Malaysian government should warn LGBT because they will decrease the fertility rate and more health problems will emerge. Nevertheless, they should not punish LGBT because they are not a sinner. Firstly, LGBT should be taken seriously in Malaysia's government as the arising of LGBT will decrease on fertility rate in Malaysia. Malaysia's target to have a 70 million population by 2050, to achieve this target, it needs to double the rate of reproduction. According to Department Statistic Malaysia, the number of live births was 487957 in 2019 which decreased by 2. 8 percent as compared to 510945 in 2018. It shows the fertility rate decrease. If LGBT is allowed in Malaysia, the chance for reproduction will decrease as well. This failure to achieve the target. Hence LGBT should be banned in Malaysia due to the possibility of to decline in the fertility rate in this country. Secondly, the LGBT group tends to have mental health problems. This mental health problem may come from depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm which leads them to take excessive alcohol and other substance misuse. As stated in the Journal of Medicine, the prevalence of heavy drinking was highest among bisexual men which is 10. 9% compared with heterosexual is 5. 7%. Excessive alcohol consumption over a long period will result in liver cirrhosis. Based on the statistic, it shows that the LGBT group will have a high tendency to get mental health problems. However, the Malaysian government or the people should change their thoughts. LGBT people should not be punished merely because it does not go against traditional values. Sexual stereotypes are people who think that men who are weak looking are gay and women who look strong and have a male structure may think of as homosexual, but this phenomenon is entirely and causing a certain disturbance in society as this is the worst type of stereotyping. In June 2017, a teenager, Navan was ridiculed by his classmates as a sissy and beaten for a long time because of his relatively feminine temperament. When Navin was sent to the hospital for medical treatment, the hospital confirmed that Navin died because of a blunt object inserted into his anus. Indeed, there is no doubt that it is an inconvenient virtue to stick to tradition. However, we cannot deny that we need to shift our perspective in this age of technological growth. In conclusion, LGBT has indeed derived a lot of social issues but this does not mean they should accept severe legal sanctions. We hope that the Malaysian government will think twice before making changes to the law so the reproduction, health issues, and stereotypes of people can be improved.
LGBT is an initialism that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender which the term began to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
at the beginning in the mid-to-late 1980s. In Malaysia, the presence of LGBT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
is
opposed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parties, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
support it. The Malaysian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should warn LGBT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems will emerge.
Nevertheless
, they should not punish LGBT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not a sinner.

Firstly
, LGBT should
be taken
seriously
in Malaysia's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as the arising of LGBT will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in Malaysia. Malaysia's target to have a 70 million population by 2050, to achieve this target, it needs to double the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of reproduction. According to Department Statistic Malaysia, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
births was 487957 in 2019 which decreased by 2. 8 percent as compared to 510945 in 2018. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
. If LGBT is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in Malaysia, the chance for reproduction will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
as well
. This failure to achieve the target.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
LGBT should
be banned
in Malaysia due to the possibility of to decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in this country.

Secondly
, the LGBT group tends to have mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. This mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm which leads them to take excessive alcohol and other substance misuse. As stated in the Journal of Medicine, the prevalence of heavy drinking was highest among bisexual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
which is 10. 9% compared with heterosexual is 5. 7%. Excessive alcohol consumption over a long period will result in liver cirrhosis. Based on the statistic, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the LGBT group will have a high tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.

However
, the Malaysian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their thoughts. LGBT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
be punished
merely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not go against traditional values. Sexual stereotypes are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who are weak looking are gay and women who look strong and have a male structure may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of as homosexual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this phenomenon is
entirely
and causing a certain disturbance in society as this is the worst type of stereotyping. In June 2017, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Navan
was ridiculed
by his classmates as a
In some contexts, this is childish language. Consider alternatives.
sissy
and beaten for a long time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his
relatively
feminine temperament. When
Possible spelling mistake found.
Navin
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the hospital for medical treatment, the hospital confirmed that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Navin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a blunt object inserted into his anus.
Indeed
, there is no doubt that it is an inconvenient virtue to stick to tradition.
However
, we cannot deny that we need to shift our perspective in this age of technological growth.

In conclusion
, LGBT has
indeed
derived
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
social issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this does not mean they should accept severe legal sanctions. We hope that the Malaysian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to the law
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the reproduction,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues, and stereotypes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
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IELTS essay Should Malaysian Government Punish LGBT

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
488 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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