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Should lower secondary school students play video games? Use specific examples and reasons to support your idea.

Should lower secondary school students play video games? Use specific examples and reasons to support your idea. mLqa1
There are many different opinions about the topic: ’’Should lower secondary school students play video games? ” In my own opinion, I am sure that secondary school students should not play video games. In the age of highly-developed technology, there is no doubt that it brings back a variety of advantages for people. But many students nowadays have imposed on technology for their rotten purposes. At the level secondary school age the use of social networks to play games to minimize pressure stress after school is not too dangerous but have many students abuse too much on social networks to play games which brings about terrible results for them in the future. To begin with, video games can negatively affect the mental health of gamers. According to today's statistics, nearly 70 percent of students aged 12 to 15 are nearsighted. One of the main reasons is spending a lot of time in the game. In addition, some types of games nowadays need to pay money for it, so students will tell a lie to their parents to get money. Hence, the cheating personality was borned, because lying one time will lie many times. Focusing one’s attention on video games requires all their attention and leads to a reduced contact with the environment around them or neglecting learning, disorientation. It can also cause social problems thus resulting in gamers becoming shy and introverted. Besides, many of the games developed today are more violent, leading gamers with the tendency to lose control and become more aggressive. There are many Unfortunate things that happen beating friends, insulting friends or even learn to follow violent games to kill people. This looks so terrible!
There are
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many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about the topic: ’’Should lower secondary
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school
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
? ”

In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion, I am sure that secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In the age of
highly
-developed technology, there is no doubt that it brings back a variety of advantages for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
nowadays have imposed on technology for their rotten purposes. At the level secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
age the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social networks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to minimize pressure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
abuse too much on social networks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which brings about terrible results for them in the future. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
negatively
affect the mental health of gamers. According to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's statistics,
nearly
70 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
aged 12 to 15
are nearsighted
. One of the main reasons is spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in the game.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
nowadays need to pay money for it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
a lie to their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money.
Hence
, the cheating personality was
Possible spelling mistake found.
borned
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
lying one time will lie
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times. Focusing one’s attention on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
requires all their attention and leads to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
contact with the environment around them or neglecting learning, disorientation. It can
also
cause social problems
thus
resulting in gamers becoming shy and introverted.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
developed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are more violent, leading gamers with the tendency to lose control and become more aggressive. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Unfortunate things that happen beating friends, insulting friends or even learn to follow violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to kill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This looks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
terrible!
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IELTS essay Should lower secondary school students play video games? Use specific examples and reasons to support your idea.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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