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Should government subsidize entertainment and leisure activities? Tell your opinion.

Should government subsidize entertainment and leisure activities? Tell your opinion. APVRl
Entertainment has become a vital part of our daily life that we all consume it in different ways without even realizing how much we depend on it. Leisure activities and entertainment bring happiness to people and we all rely on such activities to run away from our worries and enter a carefree world filled with bliss. Going to amusement parks, listening to your favorite music, watching movies in cinemas, going to your favorite artist's concerts and much more, the possibilities and activities are endless. The involvement of government in entertainment industry is rather an unusual yet important topic that needs to be talked about. First of all, I do agree with the notion that government should subsidize entertainment activities because people work, and they certainly pay different types of taxes to the government which makes entertainment a valid contender to be in the subsidy list. Things are getting quite expensive these days for instance, for most people going to their most favorite artist's concert feels like a dream because of how high the tickets are priced which isn't necessarily a bad thing because the artists have to pay millions of dollars of taxes too. Moreover, if we dig deeper into this scenario, we can see that government subsidizing entertainment events would make it easier for lower income adults to get into a concert that they were willing to sell their kidneys for. This not only increases the happiness of people but would result in better productivity as a lot of people's reason of frustration is due to work related stress, pressure of working and lack of amusement, they work day and night to make their ends meet, and if they don't get anything that makes them happy in return, they end up feeling hopeless, irritated and miserable. Subsidizing a certain entertainment activities would definitely give a boost to the industry as well, the industry that is responsible for generating billions of dollars from around the world. In conclusion, it can be said that subsidizing leisure activities and entertainment industry is not only good for the economy but also for the welfare and well-being of your country's people. The happier the people are, the more there is productivity and vice versa. Let's not forget that for some people such activities are the only source of happiness, and willing to be of help in bringing people bliss will only endure great results.
Entertainment has become a vital part of our daily life that we all consume it in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways without even realizing how much we depend on it. Leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and entertainment bring happiness to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
we all rely on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to run away from our worries and enter a carefree world filled with bliss. Going to amusement parks, listening to your favorite music, watching movies in cinemas, going to your favorite artist's concerts and much more, the possibilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are endless. The involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
is
rather
an unusual
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
topic that needs to
be talked
about.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should subsidize entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work, and they
certainly
pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of taxes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
entertainment a valid contender to be in the subsidy list. Things are getting quite expensive these days
for instance
, for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
going to their most favorite artist's concert feels like a dream
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of how high the tickets
are priced
which isn't
necessarily
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay millions of dollars of taxes too.
Moreover
, if we dig deeper into this scenario, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
subsidizing entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it easier for lower income adults to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into a concert that they were willing to sell their kidneys for. This not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
increases the happiness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would result in better productivity as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's reason of frustration is due to work related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, pressure of working and lack of amusement, they work day and night to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, and if they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anything that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them happy in return, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up feeling hopeless, irritated and miserable. Subsidizing a certain entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would definitely give a boost to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
as well
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
that is
responsible for generating billions of dollars from around the world.

In conclusion
, it can
be said
that subsidizing leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the welfare and well-being of your country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The happier the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are, the more there is productivity and vice versa.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's not forget that for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
source of happiness, and willing to be of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bliss will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
endure great results.
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IELTS essay Should government subsidize entertainment and leisure activities? Tell your opinion.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
400 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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