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Should children be famous at a young age? agree or disagree

Should children be famous at a young age? agree or disagree 3bgEN
Nowadays, an argument held by many people is that children children should not become famous when they were young. This theme is widely considered as a topic of concern for the whole society. However, from my point of view, I am totally convinced that it has remarkable advantages which help much more in daily life. First and foremost, children are well-known at a young age leading to an independent life. Specifically, celebrities are sometimes invited to take part in lots of events, workshops or talkshows which help children to make decisions everything actively in their life. Moreover, a famous person can earn money and manage finances by their talent such as singing, dancing and so on. As a result, this problem contributions to people to boost self-confidence. Secondly, life experiences due to the new environment helps children to broaden their horizons. Thanks to the famous, children ought to get lots of chances to meet and communicate with a number of proficient people. In fact, the young person also learns about appealing things all over the world leading to a meaningful life. Also, getting life experiences from becoming a famous person helps them to make friends with many people and useful to expanding their social circle. In conclusion, all the standpoints lead me to a firm opinion that being famous at a young age creates independence and also enriches the knowledge from the new living surroundings. Therefore, being famous has beneficial impacts on children.
Nowadays, an argument held by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
when they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. This theme is
widely
considered as a topic of concern for the whole society.
However
, from my point of view, I am
totally
convinced that it has remarkable advantages which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
much more in daily life.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are well-known at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age leading to an independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Specifically
, celebrities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
invited to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, workshops or
Possible spelling mistake found.
talkshows
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions everything
actively
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
person can earn money and manage finances by their talent such as singing, dancing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
As a result
, this problem contributions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to boost self-confidence.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experiences due to the new environment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to broaden their horizons. Thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lots of chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and communicate with a number of proficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person
also
learns about appealing things all over the world leading to a meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Also
, getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experiences from becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and useful to expanding their social circle.

In conclusion
, all the standpoints lead me to a firm opinion that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age creates independence and
also
enriches the knowledge from the new living surroundings.
Therefore
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
has beneficial impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Should children be famous at a young age? agree or disagree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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