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Should children be encourage for competition. Advantage and disadvantage

Should children be encourage for competition. Advantage and disadvantage 7L2dn
There has been a difference in opinion regarding the encouragement of the competitive sense in children as people believe that teaching children to make cooperation rather than competition is more effective for their future. From my perspective, both of those perspectives are equally important. On the one hand, some people believe that children who learn to compete will learn about the value of hard work. They always are motivated to work hard to get what they want. For example, getting medals in football competitions encourages children to become more adept in trying to win in future. Moreover, children who dare to compete will be more confident with what they can do. If they do not attain success, that will make them motivated to give their best effort. This skill will prepare them to confront any situation in their future life. On the other hand, some people believe that collaboration is more useful than competition. They argue that if children learn to contest, that makes them compete with each other than collaborate in the future. Research indicates that children who are not ready for the competition and are forced in it will face behaviour problems such as feeling unsafe, egoism, less responsibility and less experience to face difficult situation. Furthermore, high demand to be the winner or the best will increase their stress level. In conclusion, I would argue that a sense of competition is important for children as long as not making them frustrated with big stress. Besides, they should also be taught to cooperate.
There has been a difference in opinion regarding the encouragement of the competitive sense in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
cooperation
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is more effective for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. From my perspective, both of those perspectives are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who learn to compete will learn about the value of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. They always
are motivated
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want.
For example
, getting medals in football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become more adept in trying to win in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who dare to compete will be more confident with what they can do. If they do not attain success, that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them motivated to give their best effort. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
will prepare them to confront any situation in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
life.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that collaboration is more useful than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. They argue that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to contest, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them compete with each other than collaborate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. Research indicates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are not ready for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and
are forced
in it will face
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
problems such as feeling unsafe, egoism, less responsibility and less experience to face difficult situation.
Furthermore
, high demand to be the winner or the best will increase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level.

In conclusion
, I would argue that a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as long as not making them frustrated with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Besides
, they should
also
be taught
to cooperate.
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IELTS essay Should children be encourage for competition. Advantage and disadvantage

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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