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Should be given the people enough money to their job

Should be given the people enough money to their job ok0w3
It is believed that every individual of any country should be given a particular amount of money as a basis for their livelihood so that they have adequate financial source for living in spite of the period that they do not have any job. From my perspective, this statement seems true, however, there can be a handle of factors that could prove this is not a good idea. On the one hand, the reasons disapproving of this statement could be varied. Firstly, this might not be such a suitable idea since there are millions of people who are more worth being paid, like the people who have done enough work for their country. Another example could be disabled people, it is clear that every country pay for their disabled people since they are not able to do any work due to their physical handicaps. Furthermore, there might be some hassles in the fund of the government which means the money had better be spent on the another field which might develop the country. For instance, educational system could be the best example of this. In other words, the more money is spent on this field, the more educated people will be, most of whom could make the country developed. On the other hand, the government should also consider the conditions of unemployed people. Initially, the people, having some financial problems or poor living conditions, have also right to live a good life so they should be given basic income. For instance, there have been a lot of people dying from hunger. In other words, the government can be able to save millions of lives as long as they do this. Additionally, the people who do not have their own job, particularly adults, can lose their ways in their life, which means they tend to choose easier but illegal way to earn, causing crimes to be committed a lot. Not only does the government prevent adults from committing a crime, but also make them find their dream job, which provides a constant source of money. In conclusion, I think that the government should provide their population with basic income in case of various fatal results, however, there can be some fields that the government should care about more.
It
is believed
that every individual of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a particular amount of money as a basis for their livelihood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they have adequate financial source for living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the period that they do not have any job. From my perspective, this statement seems true,
however
, there can be a handle of factors that could prove this is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the one hand, the reasons disapproving of this statement could
be varied
.
Firstly
, this might not be such a suitable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
since there are millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are more worth
being paid
, like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
work for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Another example could
be disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
pay for their disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since they are not able to do any work due to their physical handicaps.
Furthermore
, there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hassles in the fund of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
which means the money had better
be spent
on the another field which might develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, educational system could be the best example of this.
In other words
, the more money
is spent
on this field, the more educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be, most of whom could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
developed.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
consider the conditions of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Initially
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial problems or poor living conditions, have
also
right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
basic income.
For instance
, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dying from hunger.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can be able to save millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as long as they do this.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
job,
particularly
adults, can lose their ways in their life, which means they tend to choose easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
illegal way to earn, causing crimes to
be committed
a lot. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
adults from committing a crime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them find their dream job, which provides a constant source of money.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide their population with basic income in case of various fatal results,
however
, there can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should care about more.
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IELTS essay Should be given the people enough money to their job

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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