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Should a city try to preserve its old, historic building or destroy them and replace them with modern buildings? What is your viewpoint on this issue? v.1

Should a city try to preserve its old, historic building or destroy them and replace them with modern buildings? What is your viewpoint on this issue? v. 1
In this modern world, it is observed by some politicians and authorities that family structure and roles have changed since the 2000s. When we compare with the past, it is clearly seen that the leadership of the family and home duties are changed. This situation has a significant positive impact not only for families, but also for societies. This essay will examine what are the changes and highlight its impact. First of all, since the idea of liberalism, the need for the workforce has been increasing for a while. Due to that reason, women have involved in business life. However, at these times, the father is accepted as a leader of a family because of the money, but the roles have changed after women have reached the same status. In other words, the role of leadership has been equally divided between women and men in a relationship. Furthermore, those changes have caused to share home duties such as cleaning the home or cooking food. Thanks to this alteration, people have become more individual. In fact, the individuality was mainly caused by financial dependence. For instance, once a woman’s salary reached the same level of man’s wage, the woman has claimed to entitle to manage the family. These changes shaped not only persons but also communities. When we look at the impact of changing responsibilities in a family, the topics of gender equality and economic development come forward. Firstly, the most significant factor of being a developed country is giving importance to gender equality. If a society value to people regardless of its gender, the status of women in any community would increase sharply. Moreover, as mentioned in the Human Rights Declaration, any country that wants to be a member of the European Union has to fulfil the requirement in line with gender equality. Secondly, an increasing number of the woman population in business means that the higher gross domestic product. In other words, if women contribute the daily life, the production and efficiency would increase. While half of the population is women, why should they stay at home instead of supplying products? In conclusion, in the light of information given above, the structure of any family has been changing for years due to several reasons starting from liberalism effect and financial factors. I believe that thanks to this evolution, the countries have been evolved to developed ones and increased their financial power.
In this modern world, it
is observed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
politicians and authorities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure and roles have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
since the 2000s. When we compare with the past, it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the leadership of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and home duties are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. This situation has a significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for societies. This essay will examine what are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and highlight its impact.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of liberalism, the need for the workforce has been increasing for a while. Due to that reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have involved in business life.
However
, at these times, the father is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as a leader of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the roles have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have reached the same status.
In other words
, the role of leadership has been
equally
divided between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in a relationship.
Furthermore
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have caused to share home duties such as cleaning the home or cooking food. Thanks to this alteration,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have become more individual. In fact, the individuality was
mainly
caused by financial dependence.
For instance
, once a woman’s salary reached the same level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
’s wage, the woman has claimed to entitle to manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
shaped not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
persons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
communities.

When we look at the impact of changing responsibilities in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, the topics of gender equality and economic development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward.
Firstly
, the most significant factor of being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
is giving importance to gender equality. If a society value to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
regardless of its gender, the status of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in any community would increase
sharply
.
Moreover
, as mentioned in the Human Rights Declaration, any country that wants to be a member of the European Union
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
fulfil the requirement in line with gender equality.
Secondly
, an increasing number of the woman population in business means that the higher gross domestic product.
In other words
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
contribute the daily life, the production and efficiency would increase. While half of the population is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, why should they stay at home
instead
of supplying products?

In conclusion
, in the light of information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above, the structure of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has been changing for years due to several reasons starting from liberalism effect and financial factors. I believe that thanks to this evolution, the countries have
been evolved
to developed ones and increased their financial power.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Should a city try to preserve its old, historic building or destroy them and replace them with modern buildings? What is your viewpoint on this issue? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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