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Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities? rmDk
Many youngsters love to go shopping in their leisure time. To maintain a quality life and availability of variety product usually trigger more to do shopping. However, in my opinion, there are some drawbacks to take into account negative development that should not encourage. On the one hand, the growing popularity of internet shopping becomes more convenient, exciting and people easily inspire each other to do more shopping. Firstly, advertisement and promotion of a product create demand for unnecessary product. Social media business can easily trace people preference and taste to offer a product that can quickly grow a potential customer. Secondly, the way multistorey shopping mall builds all the latest facility available, such as a cinema hall, game zone, restaurant, and super shop, easily attracts customers. For instance, anyone who goes to the shopping mall to watch movies end up buying products from different stores. Thirdly, nowadays shopping becomes a hobby, whenever adolescent feels bored, they go shopping to feel better as if shopping complex becomes a park. On the other hand, shopping addictions can not be encouraged, because to some extent, youngster not understanding the value of money. As a result, they buy a product which not primary needed. Moreover, youth should focus on gathering knowledge and acquire new skills in their free time so that they can able to make career progress instead of wasting time shopping. Additionally, young people are more energetic to contribute to society; they can give their free time to street kids and make them able to read and write. Furthermore, they can do some charity works like collecting fund for helpless people and make the world a better place to live. In conclusion, the youngster should do the shopping for actual need, while media exposure to advertising encourages this person to waste their money, energy and time on shopping. However, this trend can not be encouraged because it leads younger to deprive of good grooming.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To maintain a quality life and availability of variety
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
usually
trigger more to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
However
, in my opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to take into account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development that should not encourage.

On the one hand, the growing popularity of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
becomes more convenient, exciting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
inspire each other to do more shopping.

Firstly
, advertisement and promotion of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
create demand for unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. Social media business can
easily
trace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preference and taste to offer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
that can
quickly
grow a potential customer.
Secondly
, the way
Possible spelling mistake found.
multistorey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall builds all the latest facility available, such as a cinema hall, game zone, restaurant, and super shop,
easily
attracts customers.
For instance
, anyone who goes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stores.
Thirdly
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
becomes a hobby, whenever adolescent feels bored, they go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
to feel better as if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complex becomes a park.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
addictions can not
be encouraged
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, youngster not understanding the value of money.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which not primary needed.
Moreover
, youth should focus on gathering knowledge and acquire new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
career progress
instead
of wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Additionally
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more energetic to contribute to society; they can give their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to street kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them able to read and write.
Furthermore
, they can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
charity works like collecting fund for helpless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In conclusion
, the youngster should do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for actual need, while media exposure to advertising encourages this person to waste their money, energy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
However
, this trend can not
be encouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it leads younger to deprive of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grooming.

IELTS essay Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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