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Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities? b5o6
These days the majority of young people are spending their leisure time in shopping. Growing consumerism and ease of shopping are the main reasons for this. However, in my opinion, this is a negative development that cannot be encouraged. Exposure to social media and new age advertising are the main reasons that encourage people to go on a shopping spree whenever they have time. Search engines and social websites track people’s online behaviour and show them targeted advertising. As a result, people are lured into buying even those things they do not need. The influence of celebrities is another reason that encourages people to pick up this habit. Thanks to the advancement and easily accessible technology, anyone can be a celebrity online and can endorse anything. Unfortunately, shopping addiction cannot be encouraged. I firmly believe that they should pursue a fruitful activity like exercising rather than going on a shopping spree whenever they get some free time. Youngsters are full of energy and have so much potential. They should rather focus on their career or devote some time to the society or maybe even volunteer for a noble cause. By engaging in such activities they can improve their career prospects and make the world a better place to in. Shopping addiction, on the other hand, not only costs them their time but it may also leave a hole in their wallets. In conclusion, excessive exposure to advertising is the main reason that prompts young people to do too much shopping. However, this trend cannot be encouraged because it leads to wasteful expenditure.
These days the majority of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. Growing consumerism and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this.
However
, in my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development that cannot
be encouraged
.

Exposure to social media and new age advertising are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
spree whenever they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Search engines and social websites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
online
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them targeted advertising.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lured
into buying even those things they do not need. The influence of celebrities is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pick up this habit. Thanks to the advancement and
easily
accessible technology, anyone can be a celebrity online and can endorse anything.

Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
addiction cannot
be encouraged
. I
firmly
believe that they should pursue a fruitful activity like exercising
rather
than going on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
spree whenever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Youngsters are full of energy and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much potential. They should
rather
focus on their career or devote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to the society or maybe even volunteer for a noble cause. By engaging in such activities they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their career prospects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a better place
Did you mean "too"?
to
in.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
addiction,
on the other hand
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
costs them their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it may
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a hole in their wallets.

In conclusion
, excessive exposure to advertising is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that prompts young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
However
, this trend cannot
be encouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it leads to wasteful expenditure.

IELTS essay Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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