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Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that?

Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? nEGBo
The juvenile generation in our society follows a common trend during the most of their spare time which is shopping. There are several reasons causing young people to indulge in such acivity, but the main one is the way doing so makes them happy and affects them therapeutically. Because of the more than enough period of time they spend for that, the idea of making people to be interested in other activities and draw their attention away from shopping around sounds like a solid plan. On the one hand, taking into consideration the way these people are passionate about doing shopping, myriad of reasons comes to mind that can stimulate them to do so. Firstly, it is undebateable that each one of us, regardless of our age and gender, love to treat ourselves by buying something that is tasty enough to make us happy, or beautifully suits us. Moreover, young people even like to do a window shopping because of them being on a tight budget and not being able to buy something on their own. Well, the reasonable explanation for such motivation derived from doing shopping can be its dopamine boosting functionality, with the effects of psyhchological background. On the other hand, being fond of shopping can cause us to have a monotonous life and not give enough attention to other activities, like investing in our hard and soft skills or spending time with our beloved ones. This approach suggests that to avoid from harmful effects of binge-shopping, some encouragements should be done to make them realise that they are being shopaholic. These intentions can be realised by making shopping stores to have a vide selection of activities, like cinema halls, libraries or some play rooms such as tennis, basketball, bowling rooms. To sum up, it is our world’s reality that the young generation of our society, more often than not, indulge in excessive shopping, stemming from the positive psychological effect of this on their brains. Because this derives a huge problem in their lifestyles, it is acceptible to affect them to do more beneficial activities by making shopping malls rich with a range of activities apart from shopping.
The juvenile generation in our society follows a common trend during the most of their spare time which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. There are several reasons causing young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to indulge in such
Possible spelling mistake found.
acivity
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the main one is the way doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy and affects them
therapeutically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
period of time they spend for that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be interested
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and draw their attention away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
around sounds like a solid plan.

On the one hand, taking into consideration the way these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are passionate about doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, myriad of reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to mind that can stimulate them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Firstly
, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
undebateable
that each one of us, regardless of our age and gender,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to treat ourselves by buying something
that is
tasty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us happy, or
beautifully
suits us.
Moreover
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even like to do a window
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of them being on a tight budget and not being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Well, the reasonable explanation for such motivation derived from doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can be its dopamine boosting functionality, with the effects of
Possible spelling mistake found.
psyhchological
background.

On the other hand
, being fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can cause us to have a monotonous life and not give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, like investing in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or spending time with our beloved ones. This approach suggests that to avoid from harmful effects of binge-shopping,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
encouragements should
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that they are being shopaholic. These intentions can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
stores to have a vide selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, like cinema halls, libraries or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
play rooms such as tennis, basketball, bowling rooms.

To sum up, it is our world’s reality that the young generation of our society, more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, indulge in excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, stemming from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
psychological effect of this on their brains.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
this derives a huge problem in their lifestyles, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
acceptible
to affect them to do more beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls rich with a range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
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IELTS essay Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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