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Shopping is the favourite free time activity for many young people today. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time rather than shopping?

Shopping is the favourite free time activity for many young people today. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time rather than shopping? pwm0
Young people’s approach toward hobbies is changing dramatically and it is influenced by technology and the modern world. At present, shopping as a favourite pastime activity is becoming extremely popular, especially among youngsters. Admittedly, shopping outlet’s services, lucrative offers, rapid changes in technology, and digital advertisements are playing key roles in making this trend popular. However, unnecessary shopping is a waste of time and money which could be better utilised by youths. The modern world we live in has too many new technologies, gadgets, and fashion items and they change so frequently that it is almost impossible to remain fashionable, trendy and updated without shopping regularly. Many people, especially youngsters, go shopping very frequently because they feel those items are necessary for them. Since brands release new items quite often, the young generation goes shopping frequently. Digital advertisements by big and small brands also reach millions of youngsters and constantly lure them to get fashionable items to look good or feel good and sometimes their offer and discounts are too good to be missed! For instance, renowned brands like Nike or some small brands often give up to 50% discount which drags many youngsters to their outlets. Youths can use their leisure time in more productive activities and hobbies like going out and doing exercise, socialising with others, getting involved in charity works and taking part in different outdoor sports. This will keep them mentally and physically fit and make a far more healthy young generation without chronic diseases and obesity. Besides, they can invest time in reading, which will broaden their imagination, teach them different information and make them ready for their future career. For instance, it is evident that students who like to read a lot do much better in exams and end up having a better career than those who hardly read outside their academic books. To conclude, I believe that shopping is important when it is restricted to buying necessary items. But if it becomes obsessions by young people, it is a problem. They should better spend the money and time doing things that would benefit them in the long run.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s approach toward hobbies is changing
dramatically
and it
is influenced
by technology and the modern world. At present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
pastime activity is becoming
extremely
popular,
especially
among youngsters.
Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
outlet’s services, lucrative offers, rapid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in technology, and digital advertisements are playing key roles in making this trend popular.
However
, unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money which could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by youths.

The modern world we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in has too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new technologies, gadgets, and fashion
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
items and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
frequently
that it is almost impossible to remain fashionable, trendy and updated without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
regularly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
youngsters, go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
frequently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
are necessary for them. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
release new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation goes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
frequently
. Digital advertisements by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
also
reach millions of youngsters and
constantly
lure them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
to look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
their offer and discounts are too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
be missed
!
For instance
, renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
like Nike or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
give up to 50% discount which drags
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters to their outlets.

Youths can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in more productive activities and hobbies like going out and doing exercise,
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
with others, getting involved in charity works and taking part in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
outdoor sports. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them mentally and
physically
fit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a far more healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation without chronic diseases and obesity.
Besides
, they can invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in reading, which will broaden their imagination, teach them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
information and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ready for their future career.
For instance
, it is evident that students who like to read a lot do much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in exams and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
career than those who hardly read outside their academic books.

To conclude
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when it
is restricted
to buying necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if it becomes obsessions by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it is a problem. They should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
spend the money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing things that would benefit them in the long run.
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IELTS essay Shopping is the favourite free time activity for many young people today. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time rather than shopping?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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