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Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity.Discuss the effects of this on individuals and society.

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. Discuss the effects of this on individuals and society. x8yEg
It is true that shopping is turning into a good way for relaxing and it is becoming a more popular than in the past. This essay discuss the effects of this in terms of psychology, economy and society. There are some positive and negative effects. As an example shopping is a good way for people when they are get nervous or depressed. The last researches about doing shopping in the United States showed that purchasing different colours of items such as fruit, toys or stationary would help people to avoid stresses, especially when the things are in bright colours. By contrast, shopping has also bad effects. For instance, when one goes to a shopping mall and he has much money the buy things which are un important and would be waste of money. Furthermore, this activity has some usuful effects for society. I can take money exchanging for example. If people purchase more things, money exchanging would increase and would be helpful for the not only economy but also society, the stronger economy, the richer group of people, However, it can be have a bad impact to society. Because it may lead to lack of certain products. If the rich buy lots of things in large amount, other people can not purchase them. Nowadays this statement is happening in markets and shopping malls in the evenings. To conclude, doing shopping for having a rest has both positive and negative effects on people and society.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is turning into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way for relaxing and it is becoming a more popular than in the past.
The verb 'discuss' is plural. Did you mean: "This essay discusses"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This essay discuss
the effects of this in terms of psychology, economy and society.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. As an example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
nervous or depressed. The last researches about doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in the United States
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that purchasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
of items such as fruit, toys or stationary would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
,
especially
when the things are in bright
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects.
For instance
, when one goes to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mall and
he has much money the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things which are
Possible spelling mistake found.
un
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and would be waste of money.

Furthermore
, this activity has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
usuful
effects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I can take money exchanging
for example
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
more things, money exchanging would increase and would be helpful for the not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the stronger economy, the richer group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
However
, it can be
Consider using the past participle "had"?
have
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it may lead to lack of certain products. If the rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
lots of things in large amount, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
them. Nowadays this statement is happening in markets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls in the evenings.

To conclude
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for having

a rest has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS essay Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. Discuss the effects of this on individuals and society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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