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Do you agree or disagree with that following statement? Sex education should be taught at school.

Sex education should be taught at school. BYRPd
Sex education at school has been a widely-discussed topic in recent years. Many people believe that this subject should be in curriculum while many others disapprove. From my perspective, I totally agree that sex education be taught in school due to three main reasons. To begin with, sex education including sex orientation section can alleviate sex discrimination. The more students understand about people of different gender identity, the more they can sympathize and share with them. Therefore, proper and accurate sex education can reduce inequality in society. Besides, sex education helps students understand their bodies. Many girls, when dealing with their first menstruation, feel strongly panic since they don’t know about this kind of blood. Many boys, when his voice cracks, feel terribly unconfident since they assume that they’re different with other boys. These negative emotions stem from the ignorance about their own body. Thus, they should be equipped with sexual knowledge to be well-prepared for their puberty. Last but not least, learning sex education is a way of self-protection for children. Abortion and STDs are now accelerating among teenagers. Educating children about safe sex can minimize the risks of STDs and unwanted pregnancy. In addition, a lot of children have been suffering from child sexual abuse just because they are too innocent to know what it is and what to do in these circumstances. In these lessons about sex, they will be taught about this problem and instructed how to protect themselves from sexual crimes. In spite of the overwhelmed advantages, many parents still protest sex education since they believe that sex education can encourage early sex, which negatively influences children’s physical and mental health. However, soon or late, along with the development of technology, their children will exposure to sex. Instead of letting them learn from toxic information on the Internet, why don’t we teach them properly to keep them stay away from early sex and to have safe and healthy sex? In conclusion, sex education should be a compulsory subject at school, not only for students’ benefits but also for the development of society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at school has been a
widely
-discussed topic in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this subject should be in curriculum while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others disapprove. From my perspective, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
be taught
in school due to three main reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
orientation section can alleviate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
discrimination. The more students understand about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
gender identity, the more they can sympathize and share with them.
Therefore
, proper and accurate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
inequality in society.

Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
students understand their bodies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
girls, when dealing with their
first
menstruation, feel
strongly
panic since they don’t know about this kind of blood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
boys, when his voice cracks, feel
terribly
unconfident since they assume that they’re
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
with other boys. These
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions stem from the ignorance about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
body.
Thus
, they should
be equipped
with sexual knowledge to be well-prepared for their puberty.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a way of self-protection for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Abortion and STDs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
accelerating among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
can minimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of STDs and unwanted pregnancy.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have been suffering from child sexual abuse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are too innocent to know what it is and what to do in these circumstances. In these lessons about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
, they will
be taught
about this problem and instructed how to protect themselves from sexual crimes.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
spite of the overwhelmed advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents
still
protest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
since they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can encourage early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
, which
negatively
influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical and mental health.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
or late, along with the development of technology, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
.
Instead
of letting them learn from toxic information on the Internet, why don’t we teach them
properly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them stay away from early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
and to have safe and healthy sex?

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be a compulsory subject at school, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for students’ benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the development of society.
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IELTS essay Sex education should be taught at school.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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