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Sense of competition and co-operation among children

Sense of competition and co-operation among children VQj53
Sense of competition is a natural trait among human. However, whether it should be encouraged during young age or not is a very debatable subject. Furthermore, some believe that children should be exposed to co-operate rather than to compete. Competition is a good sense if it is been applied in a healthy context. For example during sports activities, competitiveness is very crucial to trigger self improvement. With it, children would feel more motivated to upgrade their personal skills and to be better generally. Moreover, competition will expose children to other emotional experience such as rewarded and failure. Therefore, early exposure to these experiences will better prepare them to be a better adults. Whereas, co-operate is a positive sense that should be highly cultivated among children. It is commonly introduced during group activities such as dancing, playing and even learning by group. More importantly, these activities will exposed the children to be sensitive, understanding and emphatize of others. Hence, by having this approach during early education, children will become more useful and tollerable as an adults. Their ability to co-orperate and work together with their team member is very important for their growth. Eventhough competing and co-orperating is seem on the opposite spectrum of human nature, but I believe both trait are equally important. It is benificial to encourage both sense in a healthy environment, in order to gain balance in the children mental development.
Sense
of competition is a natural trait among human.
However
, whether it should
be encouraged
during young age or not is a
very
debatable subject.
Furthermore
,
some
believe that
children
should
be exposed
to co-operate
rather
than to compete.

Competition is a
good
sense
if it
is been
applied in a healthy context.
For example
during sports activities, competitiveness is
very
crucial to trigger
self improvement
. With it,
children
would feel more motivated to upgrade their personal
skills
and to be better
generally
.
Moreover
, competition will expose
children
to other emotional experience such as rewarded and failure.
Therefore
, early exposure to these experiences will better prepare them to be a better adults.

Whereas
, co-operate is a
positive
sense
that should be
highly
cultivated among
children
. It is
commonly
introduced during group activities such as dancing, playing and even learning by group. More
importantly
, these activities will exposed the
children
to be sensitive, understanding and
emphatize
of others.
Hence
, by having this approach during early education,
children
will become more useful and
tollerable
as
an adults
. Their ability to
co-orperate
and work together with their team member is
very
important
for their growth.

Eventhough
competing and
co-orperating
is
seem
on the opposite spectrum of human nature,
but
I believe both trait are
equally
important
. It is
benificial
to encourage both
sense
in a healthy environment, in order to gain balance in the
children
mental development.
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IELTS essay Sense of competition and co-operation among children

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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