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Senior citizen are more important part of society. are you agree and disagree?

Senior citizen are more important part of society. are you agree and disagree? gW2B1
In the ultra modern era, there is a huge debate about the topic that above 60 age people are more important part of our society. A large group of people thinks in its favour, while other have an opposite opinion. The upcoming paragraphs will throw light on my personal opinion with a suitable example. I am in accord with the statement that old people have more significant part in our society. There are numerous reasons why I am in favour of it. The most importance reason is knowledge of all work. If they do that work in the past life, it can easily solved by them. For instance, Indian Government who always support old people in their ministry because of their knowledge. I would like to add a few reasons to explain my opinion further that always above 60 people has more idea than new generation people. Younger age people are always skeptical, they don’t know about their current and next work while on the other side retirement people has better skill and experience, they can easily handle their work. For example, survey of NHAI in 2000 that old people have more skill and knowledge than adult people. To sum up, I personally feel that old age people have better knowledge and experience than younger age people.
In the ultra modern era, there is a huge debate about the topic that above 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our society. A large group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
in its
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
, while other have an opposite opinion. The upcoming paragraphs will throw light on my personal opinion with a suitable example.

I am in accord with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more significant part in our society. There are numerous reasons why I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of it. The most importance reason is knowledge of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. If they do that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the past life, it can
easily
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "solve"
solved
by them.
For instance
, Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
who always support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their ministry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their knowledge.

I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a few reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my opinion
further
that always above 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
than new generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always skeptical, they don’t know about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
and
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while on the other side retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and experience, they can
easily
handle their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, survey of
Possible spelling mistake found.
NHAI
in 2000 that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and knowledge than adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up, I
personally
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have better knowledge and experience than younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Senior citizen are more important part of society. are you agree and disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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