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Selling Cigarettes should be banned

Selling Cigarettes should be banned 9wPgp
According to a piece of research made by some universities, most of 55% of the people in western countries usually smoke at least 5 cigarettes each day. Most government has tried to tackle the problem although they didn’t get any valuable result, for this reason, a new idea is wondering around people: the production and sale of cigarettes should be made illegal. But is it a wise choice? We’re used to thinking that, if something is illegal the people aren’t going to do that, but this could be true in an ideal world, unfortunately, our society isn’t perfect and often people can break the law to fulfil their necessities. For this reason, making cigarettes illegal will feed the illegal market, leading smugglers to sell cigarettes illegally. This is the same scenario of cannabis, even though in most countries buying marijuana is completely illegal, people are still able to use it, due to the drug smuggler; so making cigarettes illegal, will bring us in the same situation. So is it a good solution? Definitely Not! So what we can do to help people to give up smoking? If we look at some measures that some countries have taken, to contrast people who smoke, we can learn that raising the price for a pack of cigarettes could work. In the UK a pack of cigarettes cost nearly 13 pounds, this could be a huge amount for a lot of people, thus they are going to give up to save money. Another good way is to show to people the bad effect of smoking, and how this can be harmful to themselves and other people. In conclusion, even though thinking about making cigarettes illegal looks like the best choice, if we analyse all the possible scenarios behind this thought we can simply understand how this isn’t, for sure, the right thing.
According to a piece of research made by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
universities, most of 55% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in western countries
usually
smoke at least 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
each day. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has tried to tackle the problem although they didn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any valuable result,
for this reason
, a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is wondering around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
: the production and sale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
should
be made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
is it a wise choice?

We’re
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to thinking that, if something is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aren’t going to do that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this could be true in an ideal world, unfortunately, our society isn’t perfect and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can break the law to fulfil their necessities.
For this reason
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
will feed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
market, leading smugglers to sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
illegally
. This is the same scenario of cannabis,
even though
in most countries buying marijuana is completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it, due to the drug smuggler;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
, will bring us in the same situation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
is it a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution? Definitely Not!
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
what we can do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to give up smoking?

If we look at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries have taken, to contrast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who smoke, we can learn that raising the price for a pack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
could work. In the UK a pack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "costs"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'cost' is not always incorrect.)
cost
nearly
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
13 pounds
, this could be a huge amount for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
thus
they are going to give up to save money. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect of smoking, and how this can be harmful to themselves and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
even though
thinking about making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
looks like the best choice, if we
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
all the possible scenarios behind this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
we can
simply
understand how this isn’t, for sure, the right thing.
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IELTS essay Selling Cigarettes should be banned

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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