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Secondly, voluntary services cater to the overall character development of an individual. It inculcates a feeling of empathy in children which is needed to build a better character. For example, an alumnus of Montessori High School, who indulged in petty law-breaking activities during school confessed that it was the charity service that he did in high school; which engraved deep ideas and thoughts in his mind; helped him in becoming a better person for his family and refrained him from committing socially irresponsible acts. Thus, such voluntary activities teach us to value what we have and in turn contributes to our personality development. That being said, we cannot deny the fact that many students misuse the time allocated for these services by considering it as an excursion to enjoy with friends rather than a learning experience. In conclusion, although compulsory voluntary community service has its drawbacks, it is still useful in shaping a child as a socially responsible citi

Secondly, voluntary services cater to the overall character development of an individual. It inculcates a feeling of empathy in children which is needed to build a better character. For example, an alumnus of Montessori High School, who indulged in petty law-breaking activities during school confessed that it was the charity service that he did in high school; which engraved deep ideas and thoughts in his mind; helped him in becoming a better person for his family and refrained him from committing socially irresponsible acts. Thus, such voluntary activities teach us to value what we have and in turn contributes to our personality development. That being said, we cannot deny the fact that many students misuse the time allocated for these services by considering it as an excursion to enjoy with friends rather than a learning experience. In conclusion, although compulsory voluntary community service has its drawbacks, it is still useful in shaping a child as a socially responsible citi qLlBw
It is argued that voluntary services like charity, cleaning the neighborhood, imparting knowledge to the underprivileged, etc. should be made mandatory in the high school curriculum. I strongly agree to this as it not only helps in students becoming socially responsible adults but also in shaping their character. Firstly, community service inculcates a sense of responsibility towards the society, something that is needed to shape a good society. For instance, the introduction of Swatch Bharath scheme in my school, The Hyderabad Public School, ten years ago taught me not only to keep the surroundings of the school clean but also to never litter wherever I go. Hence, now I feel responsible to maintain cleanliness everywhere. Such services are needed to develop a better society in the future. Secondly, voluntary services cater to the overall character development of an individual. It inculcates a feeling of empathy in children which is needed to build a better character. For example, an alumnus of Montessori High School, who indulged in petty law-breaking activities during school confessed that it was the charity service that he did in high school; which engraved deep ideas and thoughts in his mind; helped him in becoming a better person for his family and refrained him from committing socially irresponsible acts. Thus, such voluntary activities teach us to value what we have and in turn contributes to our personality development. That being said, we cannot deny the fact that many students misuse the time allocated for these services by considering it as an excursion to enjoy with friends rather than a learning experience. In conclusion, although compulsory voluntary community service has its drawbacks, it is still useful in shaping a child as a socially responsible citizen and also in their overall personality development. Therefore, pupils should be encouraged to involve themselves in such activities.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
like charity, cleaning the neighborhood, imparting knowledge to the underprivileged, etc. should
be made
mandatory in the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in students becoming
socially
responsible adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in shaping their character.

Firstly
, community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
inculcates a sense of responsibility towards the society, something that
is needed
to shape a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
society.
For instance
, the introduction of Swatch
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bharath
scheme in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, The Hyderabad Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
, ten years ago taught me not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the surroundings of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
clean
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to never litter wherever I go.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I feel responsible to maintain cleanliness everywhere. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are needed
to develop a better society in the future.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
cater to the
overall
character development of an individual. It inculcates a feeling of empathy in children which
is needed
to build a better character.
For example
, an alumnus of Montessori High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
, who indulged in petty law-breaking activities during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
confessed that it was the charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
that he did in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
; which engraved deep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and thoughts in his mind;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him in becoming a better person for his family and refrained him from committing
socially
irresponsible acts.
Thus
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
activities teach us to value what we have and in turn contributes to our personality development.

That
being said
, we cannot deny the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students misuse the time allocated for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
by considering it as an excursion to enjoy with friends
rather
than a learning experience.

In conclusion
, although compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
has its drawbacks, it is
still
useful in shaping a child as a
socially
responsible citizen and
also
in their
overall
personality development.
Therefore
, pupils should
be encouraged
to involve themselves in such activities.
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IELTS essay Secondly, voluntary services cater to the overall character development of an individual. It inculcates a feeling of empathy in children which is needed to build a better character. For example, an alumnus of Montessori High School, who indulged in petty law-breaking activities during school confessed that it was the charity service that he did in high school; which engraved deep ideas and thoughts in his mind; helped him in becoming a better person for his family and refrained him from committing socially irresponsible acts. Thus, such voluntary activities teach us to value what we have and in turn contributes to our personality development. That being said, we cannot deny the fact that many students misuse the time allocated for these services by considering it as an excursion to enjoy with friends rather than a learning experience. In conclusion, although compulsory voluntary community service has its drawbacks, it is still useful in shaping a child as a socially responsible citi

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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