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Scientists and technology experts sum to be more valued by modern society that musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree ?

Scientists and technology experts sum to be more valued by modern society that musicians and artists. 6XPW
Scientist and technology specialist is more significant by modern society when compared to musicians and artists. The essay will discuss both sides and give my own opinion. On the one hand, a scientist played a crucial role in human lives and made every year, innovations with long-term solutions to our community. For instance, Karl Benz is an engineer and invented the car which runs with petrol as well as electricity. In other words, the technology not only improves human lives but also save the planet from toxic smoke that comes from regular vehicles. Another aspect is a scientist is highly appreciated as spends hours to improve human beings through technology. Thus, these people are more considered by other sectors. On the other hand, performers showing their talent in front of people such as dancing, singing. However, they are also teaching them thoughts, knowledge, expertise in various sectors because of multiple reasons such as atract an audience, demonstrating the ability to people. For example, Justin Bieber is widely known around the world for his fantastic music. Therefore they earned millions of dollars throughout his career. Finally, artist and musicians are not more valued when compared science field people. In conclusion, although there are many enthusiastic actions and musics which given by performers, in our development world, I do believe that people more need science investigation and new technology.
Scientist and
technology
specialist is more significant by modern society when compared to musicians and artists. The essay will discuss both sides and give my
own
opinion. On the one hand, a scientist played a crucial role in human
lives
and made every year, innovations with long-term solutions to our community.
For instance
, Karl Benz is an engineer and invented the car which runs with petrol
as well
as electricity.
In other words
, the
technology
not
only
improves
human
lives
but
also
save the planet from toxic smoke that
comes
from regular vehicles. Another aspect is a scientist is
highly
appreciated as spends hours to
improve
human beings through
technology
.
Thus
, these
people
are more considered by other sectors.
On the other hand
, performers showing their talent in front of
people
such as dancing, singing.
However
, they are
also
teaching them thoughts, knowledge, expertise in various sectors
because
of multiple reasons such as
atract
an audience, demonstrating the ability to
people
.
For example
, Justin Bieber is
widely
known around the world for his fantastic music.
Therefore
they earned millions of dollars throughout his career.
Finally
, artist and musicians are not more valued when compared science field
people
.
In conclusion
, although there are
many
enthusiastic actions and musics which
given
by performers, in our development world, I do believe that
people
more need science investigation and new
technology
.
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IELTS essay Scientists and technology experts sum to be more valued by modern society that musicians and artists.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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