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Some people think that the increasing use of computer and mobile phone in communication has negative effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. to what extend you are agree or disagree

Some people think that the increasing use of computer and mobile phone in communication has negative effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. to what extend you are agree or disagree mJML
Modern world is depending on computers. Undoubtedly, computerized work improved its efficiency and effectiveness, but it leads to some adverse effects on individuals. Numerous people opine that youngsters are lacking behind in their writing and reading skills due to higher usage of computers and mobile phones. I am partial agree with this statement. I will discuss my views point in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, firstly computer has been become crucial part of every business and education since last 10 years. Mostly people pay more concentration on typing skill rather writing. Nowadays, people who are 80’s joint computer teaching classes as per demand of time. Moreover, people don't give much importance to writing and reading because, they learnt about new technology from their school. For instance, in ancient time, educational institutions teach the value of reading and skill by conducting different competitions but in modern era, such institution pay more attention to typing speed as a result, its very hard for current pupils to write a passage for 10 minutes with pen or pencil. On side, it is very important for students to have good typing skills and knowledge of new technology as whole world has become a village due to globalization that lead to surged in competition with other nation and to face this competition level one should have best knowledge. Furthermore, Mostly, job opportunities depend on computerized skill, not on reading and writing skills. In other words, during every job interview, there is always a question about knowledge of computer. So writing and reading skills does not matter that much as compare to computer. In conclusion, writing and reading skills play important role. Although due to more focus on computer and mobile phones people face negative effect on writing and reading capacity but computer knowledge is equally valuable for bright future.
Modern world
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is depending
on computers.
Undoubtedly
, computerized work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
its efficiency and effectiveness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effects on individuals. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that youngsters are lacking behind in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
due to higher usage of computers and mobile phones. I am partial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. I will discuss my views point in upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with,
firstly
computer has
been become
crucial part of every business and education since last 10 years.
Mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay more concentration on typing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "80s".
80’s
joint computer teaching classes as per demand of time.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't give much importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
about new technology from their school.
For instance
, in ancient time, educational institutions teach the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
by conducting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
competitions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in modern era, such institution pay more attention to typing speed
as a result
, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
pupils to write a passage for 10 minutes with pen or pencil.

On side, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for students to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
typing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of new technology as whole world has become a village due to globalization that lead to surged in competition with other nation and to face this competition level one should
A determiner is probably missing here: "have the best".
have best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
Furthermore
,
Mostly
, job opportunities depend on computerized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, not on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
In other words
, during every job interview, there is always a question about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of computer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
does not matter that much as compare to computer.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role. Although due to more focus on computer and mobile phones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
capacity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is
equally
valuable for bright future.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the increasing use of computer and mobile phone in communication has negative effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. to what extend you are agree or disagree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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