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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both the views and you view point.

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however believe that school is the place to learn this. KXAw
To become a good members of society parents should teach the children is believed by few group of people. While on the other hand, it is believed that institution are the best place to learn the same. In my opinion, schools have greater impact than the parents while shaping a child responsibility towards the society. To commence with the parents responsibility, they plays an important role in a child’s life especially in their peer age. In other words, a child spends most of his/her time with their parents in the peer age where the parents can act as the child’s first teacher and can teach some moral values at the very beginning of their life’s journey. On the Contrary, after attending the school children gets vivid experiences and gets the exposure to real world. Moreover, an institute can help a child to recreate different scenario and give practical situation. For instance they can learn to respect their teachers and other classmates also they can learn to work in a group with different mindset of people. In my viewpoint, though the parents are the closets to a child but the schools have a larger impact in molding a person’s responsibility towards the society. To put it in another way, Nowadays as we have both parents working, sometimes parents do neglect their role and hence school have a crucial role to teach and develop the moral values among the children. In conclusion, it can be derived that in spite of the parents are the first teachers of a child in their peer age the school plays an important role in culturing the moral values and their responsibility towards the society in children.
To become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "member"?
members
of society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach the children
is believed
by
Possible agreement error. The noun group seems to be countable; consider using: "few groups".
few group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. While
on the other hand
, it
is believed
that institution are the best place to learn the same. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have greater impact than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
while shaping a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
towards the society.

To commence with the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "parents'" or "parent's"?
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "play"
plays
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
life
especially
in their peer age.
In other words
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
spends most of his/her time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the peer age where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can act as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
first
teacher and can teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
moral values at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beginning of their life’s journey.

On the Contrary
, after attending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
vivid experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the exposure to real world.
Moreover
, an institute can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to recreate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
scenario and give practical situation. For
The comma is probably missing here: "instance, they".
instance they
can learn to respect their teachers and other classmates
also
they can learn to work in a group with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mindset of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In my viewpoint, though the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the closets to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have a larger impact in molding a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
towards the society. To put it in another way, Nowadays as we have both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
working,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to teach and develop the moral values among the children.

In conclusion
, it can
be derived
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
teachers of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in their peer age the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in culturing the moral values and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
towards the society in children.

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however believe that school is the place to learn this.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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