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Benefits of requiring young people to serve the army. Is community work a good alternative.

Benefits of requiring young people to serve the army. Is community work a good alternative. rwlm
Youngsters contribute most in the development of country. A group of society thinks that young blood should be recruited for the army, but others think working for society is beneficial for young generation. I will shed light on advantages of army and community work in the upcoming paragraphs. To embark upon, young people are more motivated and hard working as compared to old age individuals. As, these youngsters are always ready for doing work. Furthermore the young blood is more enthusiastic and to protect their nation they can fight with terrorist. For instance, in all of the countries, accept the masses between age 20 to 25 are recruited in army. Besides this, youngsters can use new technological weapons more smartly and accurately. In addition to this young blood are more fit and healthy to serve an army On the other hand, individuals of young age play an important role in community sector to maintain peace inside the country many youngsters organise rallies and seminars to make people aware about maintaining peace. Moreover, working for community can also lead one to his professional career in politics. For example, most political leader in India once were working for society. So, the person who looks for his community has the bright future ahead. To conclude, young people in army make the country powerful and the young blood working for the society maintain the Nations peace and help in ones professional growth both are aborted in their own way and individuals need to make their decision wisely.
Youngsters contribute most in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blood
should
be recruited
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation. I will shed light on advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
work in the upcoming paragraphs.

To embark upon,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more motivated and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age individuals. As, these youngsters are always ready for doing work.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blood
is more enthusiastic and to protect their nation they can fight with terrorist.
For instance
, in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, accept the masses between age 20 to 25
are recruited
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
.
Besides
this, youngsters can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
new technological weapons more
smartly
and
accurately
.
In addition
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blood
are more fit and healthy to serve an
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
army


On the other hand
, individuals of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
sector to maintain peace inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
rallies and seminars to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aware about maintaining peace.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
can
also
lead one to his professional career in politics.
For example
, most political leader in India once were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the person who looks for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
has the bright future ahead.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
powerful and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
maintain the Nations peace and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in ones professional growth both
are aborted
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way and individuals need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their decision
wisely
.
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IELTS essay Benefits of requiring young people to serve the army. Is community work a good alternative.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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