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Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.5

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 5
It is widely acknowledged that excessive consumption of junk food is resulting in damaging people’s health. While some people consider education to be a measure to tackle this problem, others disagree with this scheme. Personally, I believe that education-advocates are more significant. There are various reasons why a lot of citizens doubted the effectiveness of education. To begin with, despite noticing the severe consequences of eating unhealthy food, a majority of busy workers still choose it because of the convenience and cheap price. People who are actively engaged to tight schedules do not have enough time for a proper meal, yet they have to end up picking fast food. This means that education can hardly make a difference as the employees have had their choices. Another argument is that there is a wide range of other effective solutions rather than education, including government imposes. As consumers tend to compare the products’ price before buying, authorities could impose a higher tax on junk food to alter customers’ shopping behaviours. Therefore, this will encourage people to buy fresh, nutritious food and cook balanced meal at home. On the contrary, it is perhaps even more important to educate people about processed food consumption for several reasons. Those who insist on this view feel that being concerned about the negative impacts can help prevent eating habits which harm people’s well-being. To illustrate, through such educational activities, people could assimilate knowledge that fried potatoes include a toxic chemical which could lead to cancer, and as a consequence, they would avoid eating this. The protagonists of this point also assert that raising health awareness through education could effectively affect children who are the main consumers of convenience food. There are several school-based nutrition education programs which organize amusing activities that are not only fun to play but also can promote children healthy eating habits. For example, the farm-to-school program has been successfully applied to America school’s curricular which motivate students to increase knowledge about nutrition and be more willing to try new foods, especially fruits and vegetables. From what has been discussed, it is clear that solutions for the over-consumption of junk food cause a great deal of controversy. Nevertheless, I would strongly argue that educational actions could remarkably mitigate this issue.
It is
widely
acknowledged that excessive consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is resulting in damaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to be a measure to tackle this problem, others disagree with this scheme.
Personally
, I believe that education-advocates are more significant.

There are various reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
citizens doubted the effectiveness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, despite noticing the severe consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, a majority of busy workers
still
choose it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the convenience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
price.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are
actively
engaged to tight schedules do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for a proper meal,
yet
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up picking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference as the employees have had their choices. Another argument is that there is a wide range of other effective solutions
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, including
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
imposes. As consumers tend to compare the products’ price
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying, authorities could impose a higher tax on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to alter customers’ shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Therefore
, this will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
fresh, nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and cook balanced meal at home.

On the contrary
, it is perhaps even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption for several reasons. Those who insist on this view feel that
being concerned
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits which harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
well-being. To illustrate, through such educational activities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could assimilate knowledge that fried potatoes include a toxic chemical which could lead to cancer, and as a consequence, they would avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
this. The protagonists of this point
also
assert that raising health awareness through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
could
effectively
affect children who are the main consumers of convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. There are several school-based nutrition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
programs which organize amusing activities that are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fun to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can promote children healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits.
For example
, the farm-to-school program has been
successfully
applied to America school’s curricular which motivate students to increase knowledge about nutrition and be more willing to try new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
,
especially
fruits and vegetables.

From what has
been discussed
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that solutions for the over-consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
cause a great deal of controversy.
Nevertheless
, I would
strongly
argue that educational actions could
remarkably
mitigate this issue.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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