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Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree? v.13

Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. v. 13
There is no doubt that the technological advancements are beneficial for the society. While many think scientific research should be performed by the authorities rather than private companies. I agree with this statement because the government always puts the citizens' interest before their own. Firstly, private firms work for profits. This is because they have a lot of competition, and are always on a tight budget. They only care about their won benefit. For instance, most of the communication hardware patents are owned by Qualcomm. Every phone company or even the authorities using their systems have to pay royalties to them. In contrast, research carried out by the state are generally open source. Furthermore, If they let only companies do scientific experiments, all the technology will be owned by them. Then they can charge any amount from the public. The result of this can be harmful. There might not be any cheap health care, or free healthcare that is provided by every state. Secondly, countries have a lot of funds compared to private companies. That can be used to develop technologies which can benefit citizens. For example, the internet was a byproduct of a highly funded research in the USA military. In addition, the government allocates a lot of their fund for research in the universities. Which is necessary because the students learn all the scientific methods early. They are more likely to help the country later on. There are some cases where the university research is used for important programs. To conclude, the technology is developed for the betterment of mankind, it should not be sold for profits. I believe it is safer in the government's hand, as they have highly educated policy makers. Therefore, they should be the one to carry and control it.
There is no doubt that the technological advancements are beneficial for the society.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
should
be performed
by the authorities
rather
than private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
always puts the citizens' interest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

Firstly
, private firms work for profits. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
competition, and are always on a tight budget. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
care about their won benefit.
For instance
, most of the communication hardware patents are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by Qualcomm. Every phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or even the authorities using their systems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay royalties to them.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
carried out by the state are
generally
open source.
Furthermore
, If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
do scientific experiments, all the technology will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by them. Then they can charge any amount from the public. The result of this can be harmful. There might not be any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
health care, or free healthcare that
is provided
by every state.

Secondly
, countries have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
funds compared to private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. That can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to develop technologies which can benefit citizens.
For example
, the internet was a byproduct of a
highly
funded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
in the USA military.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
allocates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their fund for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
in the universities. Which is necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the students learn all the scientific methods early. They are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the country later on. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases where the university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
programs.

To conclude
, the technology
is developed
for the betterment of mankind, it should not
be sold
for profits. I believe it is safer in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's hand, as they have
highly
educated
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
.
Therefore
, they should be the one to carry and control it.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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