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Science will soon result in people living to an average of 100 years or more. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Science will soon result in people living to an average of 100 years or more. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? 53MPA
In today’s modern era, science has advanced to the heights beyond imagination. In recent times it is being said that medical science might be successful in developing a formula to prolong average life span of human beings to about 100 years. Some think this will be a great achievement, others however feel that this might lead to serious consequences in future. In my opinion, if humankind can achieve this challenging task of altering the natural way a human age it would be the biggest achievement in history of human kind. One reason this might be beneficial for us would be that space travel would become less troublesome in many ways. For example if humans can delay their aging process to an average of 100 or more years. It would be easy for scientist to send humans on voyages to different star systems or some extra-terrestrial world as they are light years away so it would take a lot of years to complete the voyage. Secondly body’s immune system would be a lot stronger to live that long which will save us from many deadly diseases caused by different viruses or bacteria or even cancer. However, there might be the problem of over population that scientist might have to tackle if life expectancy increases which might result in shortage of land, food and also put a lot of strain on natural resources. In conclusion, I would say that if scientist can increase the human life expectancy it would have massive impact on the future of humankind solving very many problems and also creating new ones.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern era, science has advanced to the heights beyond imagination. In recent times it is
being said
that medical science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be successful in developing a formula to prolong average life span of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings to about 100 years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this will be a great achievement, others
however
feel that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lead to serious consequences
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

In my opinion, if humankind can achieve this challenging task of altering the natural way a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
age it would be the biggest achievement in history of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
kind. One reason this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be beneficial for us would be that space travel would become less troublesome in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
For example
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can delay their aging process to an average of 100 or more years. It would be easy for scientist to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
on voyages to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
star systems or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra-terrestrial world as they are light years away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
years to complete the voyage.
Secondly
body’s immune system would be a lot stronger to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
that long which will save us from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deadly diseases caused by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
viruses or bacteria or even cancer.

However
, there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be the problem of over population that scientist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
tackle if life expectancy increases which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
result in shortage of land, food and
also
put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
strain on natural resources.

In conclusion
, I would say that if scientist can increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life expectancy it would have massive impact on the future of humankind solving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems and
also
creating new ones.
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IELTS essay Science will soon result in people living to an average of 100 years or more. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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